November 01, 2002 - 1:30 am

So, technically it's November, and this should be a new page. But since it is about what I did for Halloween, it belongs on the October page.
So, I went to Kate's, and we wnet trick or treating, and to the block party her neighborhood has for Halloween. Jen and Max came, and some friends of Max's, Will, and 2 girls, maybe sophie, and I forget the other girl's name. It was fun.
So, I wanted to wear those boots I got ages ago, the ones that didn't fit but I didn't want to return. And so I decided to tear out the seam up the back of the leg, and sew in elastic. I decided this last nite, but couldn't go get the elastic til today. Which would have been fine, except Rickt had some thing at work, and got home 2 hours later the usual, so by the time we went and got the elastic, and got to DC, I didn't have time to sew in all the elastic I needed to, I just had time for one strip across the top of each boot, and I needed another strip just below my knee also. But, It's probably just as well I didn't wear them. What I did wear, was 2 inch chunky rubber heel boots, with gel insoles, and my feet still were sore before we were done. The boots I WANTED to wear, are 4 inch stilletto heels, and would NOT have had any nice gel insoles. I'd have been dying in minutes.
So, I got to Kate's around 5:30pm. I was wearing my costume, black tshirt, black velvet tights, black cape. But I still needed to do my makeup, and figured I'd be doing Kate's too. And of course I did. Now, Maz and Jen were also coming, but not til later. The block party was supposed to go from 6-8. It was about 6:30 or 6:45 when Jen got there, but we had known she was going to be late, cos she had a thing. But Max didn't show til after 7. And then Kate, Jen, Max and I went out, and we trick or treated. :) I know, I am SOO too old, but o well. I wanted to. Max's friends showed up a bit before we got to the block party. We went to a couple more houses after they showed, then went to the block party.
It was fun, nothing great. There was food, and LOTS of cake and cookies and such, and there were sodas. And a grill/BBQ thing, to toast marshmallows in. It was this big bowl shaped thing, with a wire mesh around it, and then a lid. And we were all trying to toast from outside the mesh, but it wasn't working. It occured to me we should take the lid off, but I didn't know neone, so I didn't say so, cos I like my marshmallows lightly toasted neway. Kate took the lid off a few minutes later tho. Then a little before we left, someone took the mesh thing off too, so it was just a big bowl with a fire laid in it. I had half a dozen toasted marshmallows, some yummy chili with cheese and sour cream, and a soda. O, and the mom of a friend of Kate's had invited us all in, and offered us Popeye's chicken while we were out trick or treating, which I REALLY appreciated, cos I hadn't eaten since yesterday. So, it was fun. I had a good Halloween.

October 30, 2002 - 11:55 am

So I called the correspondance school ppl to have the rest of my materials sent to me, since I only have 3 months left to finish up unless I pay for an extra year, which I'd rather not. And the lady was nice, but said they don't like to send a lot of materials at once in case they get lost. So she's sending me 2 credits worth now, and when I get them, I have her extentsion, and she said to call her and she will ship me more.
So, I've really got to buckle down. I'm going to really work on not slacking off, and hope that having all the books for the credits I need to finish right there will prompt me to actually work on them. Now, I am off to do my final lesson and test for biology. At least the only math I have left is Algebra 2. Thank Goddess I didn't sign up for more then that.

October 25, 2002 - 9:53 am

I totally get why housewives in the 40's and 50's were always so cheery, even tho they spent most of their time cleaning. Cleaning product fumes baby!

October 21, 2002 - 6:14 pm

*dancing around* I got paaaaid. I got Paaaaid. Not all of it, 5 of 7 checks, but still. YAYness. That was all. :)

October 21, 2002 - 1:23 am

So, I got bored, and Googled for Katie Beahm, and then was STILL bored, and so Googled for Jason, who I was friends with ages and ages ago. (only 2 years? REALLY? Summer of 2000? Goddess it seems like longer.) So, First I just Googled his name, and got like 2000 hits, then tried his name and maryland, and got like 200, and then tried his name and the city his dad lives in, or used to, and got 12, the last of which was his. And included an email address. So, cool. I emailed him. Shall see if he gets back to me.
It'd be nice if he did, I guess. It really bugged me when he ended the friendship, (you can read about it here, tho I didn't admit it bugged me when I wrote about it. But it did. Jason was one of the ppl I really considered a GOOD friend, someone I cared about. And he just essententially one day goes, "I don't like you anymore, go away." And I don't remember being given any sort of an actual reason WHY, something I could have considered changing. I probably wouldn't have changed, cos I don't change unless I think I need to, but I mite have. And it just really bothered me. Still kinda does, cos I can't think of anything I did that was worth ending as long a friendship as he and I had over. I can only even think of ONE thing I did that I wish I hadn't, and it wasn't really THAT bad. I told 2 ppl who were also his friends something when he told me it, and I should have let him tell them in his own time. But it's not like they flipped out or nething.
So, between that and rearranging my room, I've had an interesting weekend. Really didn't do nething today, slept til 2 pm, after going to bed at 8pm saturday, but I was TIRED. O, and found and am reading for o, the �12th time, Exit to Eden by Ann Rice writing as Anne Rampling. Good book, but definately NC-17. And seriously kinky, so, prudes, don't read this. Couple interesting things I'd like to try. I really am so tempted to do the friends with benefits deal with Derek, and he SWEARS he could deal, and wouldn't get carried away, but I don't believe him. I really think he still likes me WAY too much for us to be playing when I don't like him as more then a friend. But GODDESS, I want someone to play with. But, I really wouldn't feel right about playing with Derek whith the situ the way it is, much as I mite want to. Neway, these thoughts r too deep for the moment, as I've been wanting to go back to sleep since I woke up. So, Nite all, and pleasant dreams.

October 20, 2002 - 3:57 pm

So, I rearranged my room yesterday. I think I like how it ended up, but my back is killing me. My bed is HEAVY. Even more so with a bunch of stuff on it that I had to get off the floor in order to move the bed. And so far, all I moved is the bed, which is really the main thing. I am planning to move my dresser and TV stand also, but they won't be hard, and first I have to clean all the junk that was under the bed and in the closet and under the dresser. O, and my bed is now sorta blocking the closet door, so the door only open about 1/2 of the way. But it's fine. I can still get into it. I think this is finally gonna be a good way of having my room arranged, a way that doesn't waste a bunch of space.

October 19, 2002 - 12:14 pm

Well I just edited the fuck out of my template. All little shit tho. Ignore this entry, the REAL newest one is the next one down. This one doesn't matter, doesn't mean nething.

October 19, 2002 - 11:23 am

If I had it all to do again...

I'd have been better friends with my friends at Twinbrook.
I'd have learned French and Norwegian before I was 6.
I'd have spent that summer with relatives in Norway.
I would have before I was too old to. (I know what this means. You don't need to.)
I wouldn't have stopped riding my bike, or climbing trees.
Gramma Hopper would have been my favorite gramma to begin with.
I'd have taken out my anger at my mother on my mother.
I'd have bled on the carpet.
I'd have kissed Trey.
I'd have explored more while I was still little enough to climb into the interesting places.
I wouldn't have slept on the Nicholson's couch.
I would have stood up to Alicia and Beth and Les.
I would have treated Alicia and Beth and Les like the family I now realize they were.
I'd have continued my computer lessons when I was 10.
I'd have given Alex a better kiss.
I'd have tried harder to explain to John Wade.
I'd have spent more time in school learning.

If I had it to do over, I would still....

have Adam Segal (I have no idea how to spell it, I remember it being pronounced Seagull) as my first "boyfriend"
have gone to Flintstone.
have met Katie Beahm.
have met Danielle.
have met Mrs. Abramson.
have met Mr. Tougias.
have gone to Beavoir.
have moved to DC when I was 15.

Well, so, that's this entry. What I would and would not change if I could do it all over knowing what I know now. The list was in no particular order, not chronological, or as the events related to each other. No order other then the order they popped into my head.

October 14, 2002 - 10:27 pm

I know that if my life hadn't been how it was, I wouldn't be who I am. But I'd really have liked to have had a chance to find out who I would have been if I had ever been happy. I think I've written this entry before. I wonder who I'd have been if someone had noticed when I ran away. I wonder who I'd have been if someone had given a damn when I slit my wrist. I wonder who I'd have been if I had never been the person who ran away, and the person who slit her wrist. I wonder. And if I let myself, I'd cry. So I won't. Let myself.

October 13, 2002 - 12:00 pm

So, I got a job. And actually, I applied a while back, and was accepted, but I just got my first assignment. The job is a Secret Shopper, which is when u go to a store, and see how they are treating their customers, or if they are doing whatever things they are supposed to do. My first assignment is to go to subway, and see if they are offering chips and a drink when u order a sub. And I get paid $8 for going, plus paid back for the sub. This isn't actually the first assignment I was offered. The very first, required driving down to virgina for something, which I couldn't do, so I didn't even apply. The second I applied for one shop, and didn't get it. This one, I applied for like 12, and ended up getting 7. I'm gonna take the bus to one of the 7 in a little while, and then see if I can get mom to drive me to the other 6 tomorrow.
So, I'm really stoked about this. Cos it's way cool, and way perfect for me. I'm gonna make $56 off this, plus get 7 free subs. And even when u figure in transportation costs, it's still great. And since so far, I have been offered about one assignment a week, if this is typical, it's gonna be fabulous, cos I will make like $50-$150 a month, which will totally be enough to pay for my DSL, and for me to go out with my friends a couple times. So I am WAY happy. Which is always a good thing.

October 13, 2002 - 12:03 am

So, I am in a lousy mood. Kate had a dance tonite. And Jen was supposed to go do her makeup, but couldn't, so asked me to. And I did. And Kate looked really nice, and was going to go out and have fun, with a guy she likes. And I am happy for her.
But it just reminded me how much my life SUCKS. Even if I got a nice dress, and hello, on what planet do I wear DRESSES? But even if I got a nice dress, and did my makeup all nice, and got fab shoes, I still wouldn't look too great. I mean, yeah, from the shoulders up I'm alrite. But that's it. Even having big breasts isn't doing much for me, cos they are like saggy cos they are so damn heavy. And I never go out and have fun. And I haven't met a guy I actually liked as a person, AND had chemistry with, in FOREVER. Mostly cos I never go out and meet ppl, but, still.
So. Helen's feeling sorry for herself. And, is tired but can't sleep. So Fucking What.