November 29, 2003 - 12:43 am

I GOT A 5MP DIGITAL CAMERA TODAY!!! It's very sweet. It's a kodak DX4530. Yes, it's an easyshare, but I'm not holding that against it, as it's a very good camera. And it was only $300, which for 5MP is good.

November 27, 2003 - 10:12 am

I'm freaking horny now. I'm fairly sure it's directly related to the shaveage. yay for increased blood flow cos of skin irritation, but boo for not having any bois to play with. O well. I have tois at least.

November 27, 2003 - 10:01 am

If I ever decide to shave my pussy again, someone fucking shoot me. Or at least steal my razor.
O, and Happy Thanksgiving to anyone who celebrates it.

November 26, 2003 - 1:55 am

Walked 1.85 miles tonight. Not cos I was upset, just to walk. Was only going to walk 1.5, had route all planned out, but then walked up the wrong street, so went a different way which when I got home and checked, was further. Went to 7-11, got a cheeseburger, veggie chips, and lizard lava.

November 25, 2003 - 2:21 pm

So, my father is an asshole. A childish asshole. A stupid childish asshole. I won't bother to detail the reason for my latest affirmation of this. But, guess how far I walked last night, cos I was pissed off at him and couldn't stand the thought of being in the same house! Two and a half miles. And I really could have walked a lot more, but it was late and cold, and it had accomplished all it was going to.

November 18, 2003 - 5:19 pm

So my pretty stretch velvet boots came today, they are gorgeous, and fit beautifully. I'm thinking of buying Stretch Suede boots from the same company, and corset boots, which are microfiber, and also stretch.
Made $15 extra today, which is nice.

November 18, 2003 - 1:03 am

Because I don't want Katy to worry when she reads my previous entry (or any of the few people who actually give a damn about me)-
What's one of the first things I said in that entry? That maybe if I was drunk, I'd have the balls to kill myself. Therefore, I don't normally have the balls to kill myself. And since I don't drink just for the sake of drinking, and I REALLY don't drink cos I am in a lousy mood and feeling self destructive, chances are pretty damn good I'm never going to have the cojones to actually kill myself. So, don't worry overmuch when I am feeling suicidal. Yeah, try and talk me out of it, cos that makes me feel a little bit better, that someone cares enough to make the effort. Plus, hell, there's always that one in a zillion chance that today's the day I actually go through with it. I mean, people win the lottery, and the odds of my actually killing myself are pretty similar to the lottery odds. But, like winning the lottery, while it will happen to someone tonight, it's not gonna be me

November 17, 2003 - 11:14 pm

I just wanna walk down to 7-11 and buy like, a 12 pack of beer, or a bottle of vodka, or something like that, and just drink it all. Cos it'd be self destructive on so many levels. Spending money when I'm trying to save. Drinking just to kill brain cells. I don't actually like alcohol in and of itself. Oh, and maybe if I was drunk, I'd have the fucking balls to actually kill myself. Hey, lookit all the points in favor of it!
I wonder how many muscle relaxants it takes to relax your heart to the point where it stops. Anybody know?
Anybody know why when I get pissed off at someone else, I end up feeling like shit about me? I have every right to be pissed off. She's being self centered and inconsiderate, and going back on what she said she would do.
The following is a convo I had, while in the middle of typing this entry. The convo says everything I was going to say in this entry, and then some.

November 17, 2003 - 10:59 pm

So, I ended up not going, cos Ann was just driving me insane. Stayed home, folded laundry, washed some stuff I hadn't been going to wash, watched TV. Ricky's work had a thanksgiving lunch thing, and someone brought in a deep fried turkey, which Ricky brought home most of. It was yummy, but, nearly all the meat touching the skin was too tough for me to eat, so I had to peel that part off. Waiting on mom to get back to drive me home.

November 17, 2003 - 4:28 pm

Got my nails filled and painted. They look nice, tho I already messed up the paint on my right thumb. We're going to some friend of mom's tonight. I still don't really get why I was invited, when this is a friend of mom's, someone I don't remember ever meeting. But whatever. I ate my really expensive shrimp, they were DELISH. O, and I made $25 last nite, cos Cathleen called me to come find a document she had lost. Except she had apparently made changes and not saved them, so I couldn't do much.

November 17, 2003 - 11:29 am

So, we used to have like a $4000 credit limit on our JC Penney's card. But then we didn't use it for a really long time, cos we never went to Penney's, and so they dropped the limit to like $300.(Isn't that weird? From $4000 to $300.) But then I'd gone to Penney's at the beginning of the summer for a bunch of clothes, and so there was like $250 on the card. And so I went yesterday, and got a BUNCH of bras and some panties, like $150 worth, but the card didn't get denied or hit limit. So, I guess if you get near your limit, they automatically raise it for you or something.
So, I got about half a dozen black bras, a couple white ones, and one grey, mostly all two diff styles, a comfy regular style, and a soft sports bra style. And I got a really cute lace and satin bra and pantie set in a light lilac. And a couple pairs of black panties, and like 8 pairs of purple in various styles, including a couple cute thongs. I know, I know, I hate thongs, thongs are evil, but these are so cute!! AND PURPLE! I just couldn't resist.

November 16, 2003 - 12:07 am

So my father bought me a MP3 discman, and it's pretty nifty, and a new VCR. And bought mom a new TV, and was going to get himself a DVD/VCR combo, and give mom his VCR, but they were out of stock of the one he wanted. So when we got home, I ordered it for him online, and we're going to pick it up from a diff branch of Sears, probably tomorrow. And I so have TV envy of Mom's new TV. Even tho Ricky offered to buy me a very nice 24 inch flat screen TV that was $300. But I said no, cos we'd already spent a bunch of money.
So, the sales guy was cute. And I felt a lil bad, cos we were originally looking at a TV/VCR combo for mom, but didn't know if it could tape one channel while you watched another channel. So we wanted the guy to open the box, so we could look at the manual. And he wasn't supposed to, so I said, 'Is there someone who can, so we can find out this one bit of info which is what decides if we buy this or not?' And he went off, and then came back and said his manager said ok. And it turned out the TV/VCR combo wouldn't let you tape something on one channel and watch another channel at the same time. So we decided to get just a TV, and get Ricky the DVD/VCR combo, and give mom Ricky's VCR, so mom would have a TV and VCR, and could tape one station and watch another. But so yeah, we were kinda difficult customers. And he was cute. I wanted to give him my email address or something, but thought that'd have just been too weird. Oooo, and I got some bras at JC penney. YAY bras. Hehehehe.

November 14, 2003 - 1:21 pm

I WORSHIP modern medicine. Seriously. I would not choose to live at ANY time in the past, because then I'd have to do without lovely little white pills that make it stop hurting. *sighs happily* It's nice to not be in pain. REALLY nice.

November 14, 2003 - 12:50 pm

Do fingernails grow 3-4 millimeters in a week? Cos either that's how much my nails have grown since last Friday, or the woman who did my nails didn't get my cuticles pushed back before she did my nails. Cos, I pushed back my cuticles just now, and every single nails has 3-4milimeters (or almost half a centimeter) between the cuticle and the nail. Isn't that lovely?
So, I offered myself up as a beta reader in a bunch of online fiction groups I'm a member of. And ended up with half a dozen things to read, the last of which I just finished today. So I'm feeling kinda accomplished.
I spent $15 on tickets for 2 of the 3 LotR extended versions, and forgot about a $16.50 charge for makeup that was coming up, so it's gonna be later than I thought before I get my credit card paid off. But by the end of the year, almost for sure. :) Almost cos, I'm realistic, and know that things come up.

November 13, 2003 - 12:12 pm

Ok, so, I signed up for a free trial of AOL 9, mostly cos it gets me 3000 points, which is worth 2 $10 red lobster certificates, and a little bit to see if AOL still sucked. (It does.) Now, last time I signed up for an AOL trial, back in version 8, for the same reason, I didn't get my points, because by the time I found out that the points weren't being credited automatically as I thought, and that I needed to send the confirmation email I had received from AOL, I had canceled AOL, and didn't have the email anymore. Cos the email had been sent to the AOL account I created, so when I canceled the AOL trial, I lost access to the AOL account. So, didn't get my points that time.
So it occurred to me today, rather than have this happen again, I would forward the confirmation email to the points member care now, while I had access to the AOL account. Only to discover that I couldn't forward the email, as it was no longer saved on AOL's server, but only on my local computer. What follows is the conversation I had with a moronic AOL tech support agent.
Well. I take that back. It turns out AOL DOESN'T EVEN FUCKING SAVE PROPERLY! Dear goddess, using this software is going to make my head explode. Well, I shall attempt to recreate the conversation for you.
Me-Hi, my name's Helen, and I'm having a problem forwarding email that was saved on my PC. Tech-This is because AOL doesn't let you forward email saved locally on your PC. What you have to do is copy the body of the email and paste it into a new email. Me-I suppose this will work. That's ridiculous tho. Do AOL's software designers deliberately TRY to make the AOL software as moronic as possible? Tech-Actually this makes perfect sense. You can't forward an email when it's not longer connected to the server. it's like a car without an engine. (that's exactly what the tech said, I SWEAR) Me-That's ridiculous. Every other piece of mail software on the planet manages to forward mail that is saved locally on the user's computer instead of being on the mail server. Bye.
I swear to the goddess, I swear on my Nine Inch Nails CDs, that was the convo. It's not word for word, but that was the gist. Can you BELIEVE that? My goddess. Either the AOL software designers are laughing out their asses at the idiocy of anyone who actually uses AOL, or they've got a bunch of monkeys writing code and designing features. Either way, it makes my head hurt. And makes me wonder about that AOL tech. Did they really believe what they were saying? Did they not know any better? Or are they some poor schlub just trying to put food on the table, and forced sell their soul, and their intellect?

November 13, 2003 - 11:35 am

So, make that three friends who remembered. And none of them were among the people who I thought would remember. Mario sent me an e-card with one of those indeterminate gift certificates attached, the kind where you get to pick where the gift certificate is for, and then they send you the actual certificate. Of course I picked red lobster. As I told Mario and Bri, between the two of them, I'm gonna get to have a VERY nice birthday dinner, even if it won't actually be on my birthday. And I'll even have leftovers the next day! hehehe. So, that's nice. Oh, and my uncle sent me an email saying happy birthday. But that was it for family remembering. And none of the friends who I thought would remember (especially given that I mentioned it a few times recently).

November 12, 2003 - 3:32 pm

Brian G. and Katy G. (no relation) are the bestest ppl ever. Katy made a diary entry remembering, and Brian remembered me mentioning something little I'd like, and is going to get me it as soon as he goes into the city. And I was really feeling like shit, because it seemed like no one who I thought cared about me, who I care about, had bothered to remember, even the general time frame, and it turns out 2 people had. Not my own mother tho. She forgot. In her defense, she may well have not known what day of the week it was, let alone what the date was. But no, wait, she had library books due, so she knew the date. It just didn't strike any chords of remembrance for her. It's not that I want presents or anything like that, cos that's not it at all. (tho presents would be nice.) The thing is mattering enough to people that they remember something important to me. When I've mentioned it a couple times in the past few weeks, and when there have been various reminders to be seen, if they were paying attention to me. Like, the banner here in my diary.

November 12, 2003 - 6:12 am

I honestly never thought I would make it to 22. Tho, I guess I haven't quite yet, since it won't be exactly 22 years til 1:59am the 13th. But, I never thought I'd ever get this old. Maybe that's why my life is such shit right now, because I never expected to still be here living it at this point.

November 11, 2003 - 8:26 pm

It's almost my birthday. No one seems to remember. The tutoring I had scheduled for tomorrow got canceled, which means no psychology lecture this weekend, cos I can't afford $85 for the tickets. *pout* That's pretty much it. I'm going to bed soon. And no one has noticed or commented on my haircut.

November 09, 2003 - 2:34 pm

'Nother thing for the list, a really nice sound card. At least 5.1, and 11.1 would be wicked. Tho then I'd have to buy more speakers. So, a really nice sound card, and really nice speakers.

November 08, 2003 - 6:04 pm

WOOHOO! T-Mobile just recently introduced a new family plan, less minutes for cheaper, 400 minutes for $50 instead of 800 for $70. AND, you can now add unlimited nights to a family plan line for $5 per line! So, am switching our plan, and adding unlimited nights to my phone. This is perfect, this is essentially the exact plan I wanted when I signed up back in February.

November 08, 2003 - 2:44 pm

I just realized the lesson in this. Do my own hair. Do my own nails. Don't even entertain the thought of having them done. It's a waste of money.

November 08, 2003 - 2:36 pm

So I didn't end up getting my hair dyed, cos the only purple dye they had was temporary, and I wasn't going to pay them $60 for something I can do myself with a $10 thing of Manic Panic. Got a cut tho, and it's cute. But this kinda sucks. Both the things I was going to go for myself as a bday prezzie didn't work out. *sad face*

November 08, 2003 - 7:50 am

This cold or whatever the hell it is, is just beating the hell out of me. I haven't been sleeping, although it seems I must be getting enough sleep, cos I'm not tired. But this stuffy nose and constant coughing are just taking it out of me.

November 08, 2003 - 6:23 am

Oh, and on the list of things to buy? Pretty high on the list actually, is a TV tuner card for my PC.
And, grrr. I went to bed around 10pm, fell asleep around 11, woke up around 2:30, have been up since. I'm currently reshaping my nails.

November 07, 2003 - 8:32 pm

I stayed up til about 7am. From about 2-6, I was watching episodes of Oz I had downloaded. Then I got to bed around 7, and fell asleep fairly quickly I think. I was planning to get up around noon, but woke up at some point and decided to sleep later, so reset my alarm for 1:30pm. Got up a lil before it went off, burn to DVD the stuff I was taking to Kate, and got out of the house at about 2. I wanted to go to the bank, but didn't feel like taking the bus, so I called a taxi. Went to the bank, deposited the check from thursday. Caught a bus a lil later, nicely enough, it was the one that goes straight to Kate's, so that was nice. Got to Kate's at about 2:30, worked til about 5 on their computer, got everything I had planned to do done. About 5:15, we were ready to leave, to go to the nail place, when Kate's mom asked about the printer. I hadn't known there was anything wrong with the printer, so hadn't done anything with it. Took a quick look, uninstalled the software and reinstalled it, and got going. Dunno if that fixed it, told Kate's mom to give me a call if it still didn't work.
Kate and I and Anna (a friend of Kate's) walked to the place Kate gets her nails done, about 3/4 a mile away. I got acrylic nails, Kate got a pedicure, nail fills, and eyebrows. I'm not really very happy with my nails. They are awfully thick, and the lady didn't get them uniform lengths or shapes, and she didn't really do them how I asked. So I doubt I'll go back to that place. I might try and do them myself again when these come off, cos I saw how she did them, and so kinda picked up some pointers. Presuming these last significantly longer than the ones I did myself before. Then I went to Macgruders and got some sushi, and got a ride home from Mom (I had called her from the nail place). So that was my lovely day, and I'm really tired and feel pretty icky, so will likely go to bed soon.

November 06, 2003 - 5:52 pm

So, I'm gonna spend $35 tomorrow, getting acylic nails, and somewhere in the area of $55 saturday, getting my hair dyed purple. I do believe that's more money than I've spent on my personal appearence (not counting clothes and shoes) for the past 5 years. But SOOO worth it.

November 06, 2003 - 4:53 pm

still sick. couldn't sleep last nite. had to cut short the tutoring session I had cos I couldn't quit coughing. one good thing, they insisted on paying me for the half hour I spent monday waiting on an update to install on their comp, so, I only made $10 less today than I was expecting, cos I had been planning to ignore that half hour. So, I leave their house, walk the 1/2 mile to the bus stop. Wait at the bus stop, like 10 min, in the drizzle. Bus comes DOWN the street, I need to go up, and that means it won't be back around for 20 min. I can walk in 20 min. So, I start walking, get like 2 blocks, I'm having trouble breathing. Not like, can't breathe, but like my chest is a bit tight, and it's harder to breathe than it should be. So, there's a bus stop, and a ride on bus coming. I ask the woman at the stop, does that bus go to friendship heights, she says yeah. Ok, i'll take the ride on.
it was like 3:15, and my transfer was good til 330, or should have been anyway. but apparently it was ripped funny, so it was ripped through the 3 and the 30, you could see em. So, the ride on bus driver makes me stand there while he decides if he's gonna accept the transfer or not. Finally he does.
there's like one seat, way at the back, I go sit. get to friendship heights, switch to the 30 bus to get home. that bus driver didn't even look twice at my transfer :-) So, we pull out of friendship heights, and go to turn the corner, to find that some IDIOT has parked RIGHT at the corner, where it clearly says no parking. And so there isn't room for the bus to turn. And we have to wait like 10 min for this moron to come move their car. Meanwhile, the bus is blocking traffic, and ppl r honking and yelling and stuff. I guess they wanted the bus to go over the car or something

November 05, 2003 - 3:48 pm

Alright. Had tutoring, 2 hours as usual. Kept coughing, and Mrs. Farr was very concerned for me, but I assured her I was fine. And it was true, I dunno why I was coughing. I think maybe it was cos they had turned on their A/C, and there was dust in the vents maybe.
Redid the math, and realized, credit card will not be paid off by my birthday. But it will be paid off by the end of the month, and all my bills will be paid as well. Presuming the new student continues to be twice a week. I still haven't exactly decided what my shopping list is, the order I mean, other than a 19 inch LCD being first on it, and the LCD purchase needs to include a DVI vid card. After that, I dunno. Laptop, PDA, Archos, new cell, hmm.

November 05, 2003 - 8:56 am

Well, I can talk this morning, tho I sound a lil funky. So, going to my tutoring session, and then planning to stop at the bank on the way home. Oh, and planning to stop and get a smoothie with energy boost and immune boost on the way to my tutoring. And going to explain to Mrs. Farr that I have been sick, and lost my voice yesterday, so am going to have to talk quietly today, because I don't want to strain my vocal cords. I doubt she'll have a problem with that. And then I'm going to go to the grocery store afterwards, and get some honey or some thing like that, and spend the rest of the day pampering my throat, in the hopes of still having a voice tomorrow for the second session with the new student.

November 05, 2003 - 12:24 am

So I woke up this morning to find I'd strained my throat to the point where I can't talk above a whisper. I guess it must have been from being sick, and then spending 2 1/2 hours having to talk really loud for my tutoring session monday. Dunno. But, I've got tutoring again tomorrow and thursday, so, I hope it's better in the morn. If not, guess I'll have to cancel, which would really suck.

November 03, 2003 - 6:53 pm

So, met a new student today, a nice elderly guy who had a stroke and is going blind. I felt sick still, and hadn't really slept last nite, but it was the first session and I didn't wanna cancel. And, now I'm glad I didn't. His wife had scheduled for 1 hour, but it ended up being 2, and he decided he wanted a second lesson this week, which we scheduled for Thursday, 2 more hours. Now, I dunno if it's going to stay that way, two 2 hours sessions a week, but if it does, add that to my previous student's one 2 hour session a week, and I'm making a nice piece of cash. Enough to pay off my credit card by my birthday, and to get the 19" LCD monitor I want by X-Mas, and then by the beginning of February, I could afford either one of the cell phone/PDA combos, or a NICE digital camera, or an Archos multimedia player. Or I could save, and at the end of February, get a laptop. Man, that'd be sweet.

November 03, 2003 - 1:23 am

She should have died hereafter.
There would have been a time for such a word.
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time.
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle.
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more.
It is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

November 02, 2003 - 4:13 am

Amazing what threatening to reverse the credit card charge does for a company that's being annoying. At the end of September, I bought 7 things off this company on ebay, which had like 10,000 positive feedbacks. Was misinformed as to when stuff was sent, and then never got 5 of the 7 things, and the 2 I got, one didn't work, and one was not what had been listed in the auction. I had contacted them a number of times and been told, 'it's been sent, be patient' and just now contacted them, asked if there was any reason not to cancel my charge, said I contacted my credit card company and was told canceling it would be no prob. Which, isn't exactly true. I was told I'd have to file a charge dispute, but that given the circumstances, it should go right through. And, lo and behold, I ask the guy, why shouldn't I cancel the charge, he goes, o, well, we resent everything this past week. Now, I have this suspicion 'this past week' means 'fuck this bitch is annoying, I'll resend her stuff Monday', but hey, if it gets me my toys, I'm happy.
It's kinda funny, cos, the girl I talked to at the bank gave me the idea. She said something similar had happened to her buying on ebay, and she waited three months, and then called to say she was going to cancel the charge, and a week later her package showed up. I'm still not happy, but, if the second set of stuff arrives reasonably soon, within 2 weeks, I'll leave them positive feedback, say 5 of 7 items never arrived 2 that did were broke/wrong resent at their expense.

November 02, 2003 - 2:42 am

So, not so much with the chills and fever anymore, like last night when I went from shivering like I was naked in the snow to sweating like I was in a sauna. But still, headache, and sore throat, tho the throat isn't as bad, and stuffy nose and sneezing. And, added bonus, I just realized, I've been sneezing/blowing my nose so much, it's now bloody. Isn't that just LOVELY! So, no more blowing my nose, or, breathing through it, not for a while.

November 01, 2003 - 1:47 am

o, man, I feel like shit. I've got a nasty headache, a sore throat, stuffy nose, and chills and can't fragging sleep! yeah I ended up not even doing anything tonight, cos I felt so lousy!
I had gone to kate's to work on her comp (hey, I made $80!), and was done at like 8, plenty of time to go do any number of things, but they were all 'take the bus and don't know anyone there' type stuff, and I just felt so lousy I wanted to come home and curl up. So, like, 8 pm, I call a taxi well, actually, someone else at the house I was at, called a taxi. They were on hold for 15 min to diamond, and finally called directory assistance and got the number of some random other company. We call, request two taxis. Within 5 min of requesting, we get 2 calls saying the taxi is on the way, one for her name, and one for mine. The first one shows up after like 10 min. 8:45, mine still hasn't shown! I go back inside try and call diamond again, on hold forever. Ask kate's mom for a telephone book, she gives me one that lists like 6 companies, all airport shuttles so, I'm thinking, what, do I call 411, when her dad says, forget it, I'll drive you, just give me a minute to get ready. So, cool.
He drives me one block from their house, there's this HUGE tree brach, like a foot thick, sticking out in the road which he hits going, o, 20, 30mph but car seems ok, so, no worries. 2 blocks later, someone pulls up next to us, goes 'No Lights!'. We pull over, sure enough, the headlights are out. on BOTH sides, not just the side that hit the branch. He flicks the lights on and off, nothing. I suggest turning on the hazards, to get enough light to drive. He does, I get back in, he flicks the lights again, and they come on! So I FINALLY get home and feel like shit and can't sleep