March 25, 2003 - 9:49 am

So, I give up on my template for the moment. It's functional.
I've got a tutoring session today. Scheduled for an hour and a half, but I'll be very suprised if it doesn't end up being 2 hours. And even with the $ from it, and the $10 for that Npdor software, and Unc's share of the DSL bill, I'm going to be $3.03 short of paying both my cell and DSL bills. At least, that's if my cell bill comes due when I'm sort of expecting it, around the end of the month, and if I pay my DSL bill the second I get it. But if I wait til saturday to pay my DSL, instead of paying it tuesday the 1st when it arrives, then I'll be alright. So, yayfor grace periods when it comes to bill paying.
AND, I've budgeted for my cell bill to be around $140 ($60 for first month, normally $70, but prorated, and $35 each activation for 2 phones, plus $3.50 for 70 some odd 5 cent text messages, plus $3 for the 500 text messages I added to my plan after having the phone for 12 hours.) And I will be able to pay it. I'll even have around $30 left over after, tho that will be saved for paying DSL bill. But, after DSL and Cell are paid, I'm expecting to have around $60. $60 that I could even theoretically SPEND. I won't since I have no idea how much longer I'm going to be doing the tutoring gig for, but, it's nice.

March 25, 2003 - 9:21 am

Ok, so, working on my diary template. Please forgive any oddness. I'm trying to get it so that the entries are in their own little scrolly box, with all the other stuff fixed around them. I can't get my rings and counter and stuff to show up where I want them, under the entry box. And the colors are a bit whacked. It's cos instead of making the whole thing myself, I'm trying to customize a template. It's not going so well. Patience please.

March 24, 2003 - 9:05 pm

If you believe in God (big G used to indicate status of belief), then someone dying shouldn't be a sad thing. If you believe in God, then death is a happy thing, because it means the person is going on to heaven, and that's a good thing. So, if you claim to believe in God, and use "it's against God's law" as your reason for being opposed to things (abortion, homosexuals being treated equally), but when someone dies you say "it's not fair" and "why'd it happen", that pretty much makes you a hypocrite, because you only believe in God when it's not personally difficult. And that's just fucked up to me.
If you can't believe in something with your whole being, then don't use it as a justification for your personal views. If you are going to tell me abortion is wrong, that using fucking
BIRTH CONTROL to
AVOID pregnancy in the first place is wrong because god says it's a sin, then don't come to me upset because someone dies. If you
REALLY believed in god, you'd be happy for that person. Being sad when someone dies either means you don't believe they are going on to something better, or you are self centered and want what you want, instead of what is good for them.
(The preceding entry was a rant inspired by a particular person's reaction to the death of someone they knew. I know, it's natural to be sad when someone you care about dies, and I get that. But, this particular person, has used their beliefs as basis and justification for a lot of things, and presented these beliefs as being extremely strong and a major part of who they are. And yet their reaction to this other person's death, seems to have nothing to do with their self proclaimed beliefs. And I find that extremely hypocritical.)

March 18, 2003 - 8:31 pm

mmmm, steaky goodness. And I FINALLY managed to paste my cell bill from the cell company website into excel, and then use an excel function to sum the minutes, so I could figure out how many non unlimited minutes I had used. (turns out it wasn't working cos of some pesky hidden character in the number column.) Cos, weekends and mobile to mobile are unlimited, but they list it with the weekday one, which are limited to 800 a month. So, when it says I've used 668, turns out, only only 396 of those were ones that counted. So, I'm feeling a bit better. yayfor!

March 18, 2003 - 5:59 pm

I am in pain. And I can't find my damn painkillers. It could certainly be worse, but it's entirely bad enough. So long as I am absolutely still, sitting here in front of the computer, I can breathe. But if I move even a little bit, it hurts more. And I know if I actually stand up and go up the steps, it's going to hurt too much. It's going to be "kill myself so it stops hurting" type of deal. I won't actually do it, but it will cross my mind again and again until the pain stops. Thursday. I will be fine on Thursday. This I am certain of. At least it has a pattern, is predictable.

March 18, 2003 - 2:16 am

I just dunno. I dunno how anyone can believe in christianity, or practically any of the major religions.
Someone my sister talked to online a lot, and considered a friend, killed herself. I didn't know the girl (her nic was Arwen) really, had chatted with her once. She was a really sweet girl, with a great sense of humor. She was pasting bits of the LotR slash diaries into the chat convo we were all in, and I started doing the same, and we were laughing and talking about LotR. Now, normally, ppl I just talk to online once, I don't even remember. But her, I remembered. She was so sweet and funny. I had looked for her in the chat again in the couple weeks since, hadn't seen her. And now, I find out in the past couple days she killed herself.
Now, I didn't really know her, and, I made my peace with death years ago. So, I'm not too torn up about it. The way I figure, she's gone on to something better. It seems she didn't have a good home life, was treated like shit at school, was in a wheelchair, and then recently her mom was treating her even worse. I can get why she chose to check out. Having come so close to it myself, having made that choice myself for all it didn't work out, I get that.
And, the way I see it, she was a good person in life, so, she goes on to something better, whether it's some heaven or another round of the wheel of life, I dunno. But that's what I believe, however you are in life decides how your death is. If you were a good person, then you either get to go to heaven, or you get to come back to a new life, another turn of the wheel, and do it all over. If you were a bad person, then, you have to pay for what you did, but you can change, and if you are truly sorry, then that counts and you can move on and try and do better.
I don't understand how anyone could believe that it's final and permanent and there's no chance of anything after. That one little 70 year lifespan is it, decides your forever. I don't understand how anyone could believe that, on the one hand, there's a god who created humanity and loves us so much, but, only loves us if we are good. If you are bad, well, then god doesn't love you anymore. Do parents stop loving their children because their children are bad?
And, how are all these people so certain of what is "bad" anyway? The bible says so? Are they not aware that the bible has been translated at least a dozen times, and rewritten or "edited" at least that many? That large parts of the bible don't even claim to have been written by people who knew jesus, but were written hundreds, even thousands of years later? And most biblical scholars will admit that it's known there are large parts of the writings of jesus and the apostles that were lost. And that the parts that are there, again, translated and edited and rewritten who even knows how many times since they were first written. How can anyone take the bible literally?
How can anyone think that a god that "so loved the world he gave his only begotten son that our sins might be forgiven", would condemn anyone for such a "sin" as a 16 year old child not being able to deal with her horror of her life, or a "sin" such as a person loving another person who happens to be the same gender? I can't believe in a god like that. I have to believe that whatever god there might be, the only thing bad is to deliberately hurt another person. Anything other then that, how could a true god condemn?

March 17, 2003 - 7:12 pm

Dude. I'm on the phone with a friend of mine who lives in cali. She's driving around. Being odd. So, she was trying to make a right turn. And couldn't figure out why the car in front of her wasn't turning. And then she realized. The car was PARKED!

March 17, 2003 - 6:48 pm