August 01, 2003 - 8:51 pm

It's OVER!!! And I'm gonna go to bed, and sleep for hours and hours. And not ONCE worry about when I have to be up.

July 31, 2003 - 9:11 pm

One more day of camp left. Got paid today. Comments in diary, and guestbook signage, YAY.
Joy and Lemi had a bet, whichever of them purposly touched the other before the end of the day, had to go down. Which, Lemi apparently doesn't care about giving Joy head, but Joy really didn't want to go down on Lemi. (I thought about offering to do it for her;) And Joy said Lemi touched her hand. Which, I dunno if he did. But it was amusing listening to Lemi say he didn't touch her, and Joy say he did. Tho, seemed like maybe Lemi was upset, but he seemed alrite lata.
And, this morning, I was doing the thing where I hit people with the really thin stick that really hurts (I'm so evil and such a sadist), and Ezra got really mad, cos I hit him and apparently it really hurt. Tho, in my defense, I hit him cos he was singing the spongebob squarepants theme, which annoys me. Nothing against bob, just the theme song bugs me. So he sat outside til lunch, had lunch, and then left. And said he wasn't coming back tomorrow, but then he said he probably would. O, and when Robert saw Ezra's back, Robert said 'Looks like you got whipped. That's what I'm talking about, reparations!' which also amused me, cos, the thin wooden stick, really does hit a lot like a whip. hehehe. And if you have to ask me how I know how a whip hits, you REALLY don't know me very well.
And Kate found out today she won't be paid at all for any of the LAP (Late afternoon program, essentially overtime) she worked. This is after she's at least been there nearly every workday all summer, and there's only one day left. And, on the one hand, I feel for her, cos, it sucks to find out NOW, and there's really nothing she can do about it, she worked all these hours and won't be paid. But, on the other hand, she's not getting paid, cos a lot of the time, she didn't WORK. And she doesn't get that, at ALL.
And there's Byron and Liz drama, apparently, Byron hit Liz, and then said, well, he was stressed, and, blah blah blah. And so I spent some time today yelling at Liz, saying drop him already, cos, I don't care if you just cut off his balls, there is NO reason for a man to hit a woman. If she's trying to kill you, you knock her down and run. (that's essentially a direct quote of what Lemi said, when we had a similar disscussion, based on how I pick on him. He said he would NEVER raise a hand to a woman, and I asked, what if she was trying to kill you, and he said, I'd knock her down and run like hell.) So, we greatly dislike Byron now. Gtg, uncle wants comp, and I want a bath and sleep. Lata, Bi!

July 30, 2003 - 7:31 pm

So of course no one noticed. And one of my so called friends online, NYC Emily, apparently read my diary entry, and IMed me and said I made her sick. Thanks so much for the support Em. Don't ask what happened. Just attack me. Fuck off bitch. People like you, I don't need. Oh, and some person signed my guestbook with 'Your banner sucks.' Except, their dumb ass clicked it. And then went to all the trouble of signing. I'm debating removing that entry.

July 30, 2003 - 12:14 am

Old habits die hard. Or maybe they never really die at all.
I was thinking of what I'd say if anyone asked, and then I realized, no one will ask. No one will notice. No one cares. I don't care. I don't matter. If I didn't exist, there would be no difference whatsoever. Still, mustn't forget the bandage in the morning.
My throat was so tight, and all I could think was how welcome the feel of cold metal against the back of my throat would have been. Would be.
I don't even know if I COULD cry anymore, even if I were to let myself, which won't happen. There's a theory I read somewhere once, that crying makes you feel better because it releases toxins that have built up in your body and collect in your tear ducts. I wonder if the toxins are released in your blood as well?
I feel so small. Which, is pretty damn funny if you think about it.
My stomach hurts. It's so tight. I'm going to bed.

July 27, 2003 - 3:02 am

There are two scales in my parent's house. These two scales, differ on what they say my weight is, by 15 pounds. I want to believe the one that says I weigh less. But, I'm realistic (read-pessimistic), and I know that if only one of two things can be true, then the one that is worse is more likely true. So, I've spent the past month walking nearly 2 miles (1.86 miles actually) between 3 and 5 times a week, and watching my diet, trying to eat much healthier without completely depriving myself of things I enjoy, and, best case scenario, I haven't lost a single pound. Realistic scenario, I've gained weight. And don't bother with the, 'Muscle weighs more than fat' line. I'm not buying it. Isn't life just LOVELY!? I now return myself to my regularly scheduled hell.

July 27, 2003 - 1:02 am

BAH!! Teenage boys should come with leaches and muzzles. And cages!
I saw Tomb Raider 2 with Amsley on friday. And there was this group of half a dozen teenage boys sitting right behind us, kicking the seats, constantly talking, and o yeah, at least 3 of them had their cell phones on. And, about 15 minutes into the movie, I turned around and asked them to stop kicking my seat, and one of them went, 'be quiet, we're trying to watch the movie', to which I said, 'So am I!'. And, they stopped kicking my seat for a few minutes. But they kept talking, and then started kicking my seat again. And, I went to go try and find an usher, but there wasn't one, so I went back in. And I REALLY wanted to reach in my purse, pull out my knife, and turn around and say 'if you don't shut up and stop kicking my seat, I'm going to cut your throat so you CAN'T talk anymore!'. Or just turn around and punch them in the face and break their nose. Or jaw. Yeah, jaw is better, can't talk with a broken jaw. But, I didn't, because I try to restrain myself from violent tendancies. But I REALLY wish I had. Would have made me feel a lot better.

July 22, 2003 - 7:33 pm

Ok, yeah, so, I don't update as often as I should. But there's been this whole thing lately with me not sleeping.
Neat thing, people listing me as one of their fav diaries. Click here to see this list. I especially like this one cos their comment about me is that my diary amuses them. And, anyone who knows me, knows that calling something amusing is one of my fav ways to describe things. hehehe. And this drives Kota, one of the CITs (assistants) for my class at camp just insane. She now hates the word amuse, or any conjegation of said word, just cos of me. O, and one of the ppl who has me listed as a fav, said my dream about the detachable cock was what hooked them. So, I'll be sure to write lots about detachable cocks. (scroll down some to read what this refers to.)
So, yeah, I'm not a nice person. I pinch people, and smack them when they are being stupid. And, I keep meaning to be less violent, but then I'm just as randomly violent as always. I should work on that.
What I REALLY want/need to work on is getting laid. Someone remind me again why I need to have self respect and not have sex with guys I don't know? Cos, seriously, right now, self respect is running a distant second to orgasms.
Or something, I dunno. But something in my life has GOT to change, and right now I really think it's the number of orgasms. Ones involving other people. Heck, maybe it's not. Maybe the true path to contentment for me lies in getting a job or something, but for now, I'm making more orgasms my goal. Howev, I keep meeting guys I could actually reasonably imagine myself playing with, and then one of my friends ends up with them, or it turns out they JUST broke up with their girlfriend of 2 years, or whatev. I mean, DAMN! What's a girl got to do to get laid in this world?! If any guy in the DC area reads this and wants to play, by all means message me. Especially if I already know you. If I don't know you, then, I'll do my whole, 'I have to get to know you somewhat before I fuck you' thing. But, given my current mood, how WELL I have to know the guy, is getting pretty low.

July 14, 2003 - 7:57 pm

So, had kinda a sucky weekend. Spent most of it running errands with my uncle, cos he's got what he thought was a hip issue, and turned out to be, according to the doc, a lower back issue. So, bye bye all my plans (tentative as they were), and hello spending most of saturday and part of sunday in car with uncle in case he needed me to, well, I dunno what exactly, call an ambulance, call my mother to come drive, whatever. But, I get paid tomorrow, YAY! Went to Friendship Heights this evening, got balloons for the kiddies to use to make balloon animals at camp tomorrow. So that'll be fun.

July 12, 2003 - 1:14 pm

I am utterly addicted to the online game blood. hehehe. In it, you are a vampire, and you have to try and drink ppl's blood, and it's fun. If you want to help me out, click this link and sign up, it'll give me 10 pints of blood. And it's free! Other than that, not a lotta going on. Later, if I have time, I'll go back over the last month or so and finish writing all the entries I left undone, but right now I'm going out to lunch and grocery shopping with my uncle. So lata!

July 12, 2003 - 1:31 am

Something I wrote. Posted to my website eventually, but for now, just here.

July 09, 2003 - 7:53 am

So, I had this kinda fun kinda odd dream last night. I was at a club, or a party, with a group of girls who in the dream I knew were my friends, but weren't people I know in real life. And in the dream, I really wanted to play (hey, that IS like real life :) ). So, there's all these guys that the girls who r my friends in the dream know. And, we end up on the roof, and there are 4 guys, which in the dream, I was suprised there were 4, I don't remember why. So, I'm giving one of them head, and then the dream kinda changed, we were still on the roof, only now there were all these other people too, and we had to hide that we'd been playing just before. And, it was REALLY odd, the one guy, like had a detachable cock or something, cos, when all the people showed up, his cock somehow ended up on the bench next to me, without him, but it wasn't like it was an issue, just, 'o, he's run off without his cock, I'll have to give it back to him when I see him.' which was really amusing.
Well, off to spend the morning having little kids throw plates of whipped cream at me. Too bad I haven't got a Vin Diesel lookalike (and soundalike) around to lick it off me. :( Lata!

July 06, 2003 - 2:51 pm

I am SOO tired of Kate being such a fucking child! She's 16, she needs to grow the hell up! We've been working together at camp, she's my co counselor. And, I thought it would be so great, working with one of my good friends. But, it sucks! She keeps acting like a CIT, rather then a counselor. She doesn't seem to realize she has responsibilities. She thinks she can just walk out of the classroom whenever she likes, not even mention she's leaving let ALONE ask if it's a problem for me, and be gone for however long she wants.
Like, the other day, Nick came to visit. And she was sitting out in the hall talking to him for literaly 2 1/2 hours. I checked the clock. And this was AFTER she had already spent half an hour that same day off talking to someone else. And she routinely goes off to the snack bar and doesn't come back for 20 or 30 minutes, because she's off flirting with some guy or other. Guys who AREN'T her boyfriend, which I also don't approve of, but, that doesn't actually affect me.
Ok, so, the camp lost like 2 boxes of our supplies. So we have to buy new. And, I can't afford to right now, my credit card is maxed out. So, kate says she'll ask her mom if she can use hers. And that was like tuesday she said that. And she kept forgetting to ask. So, today, I asked her AGAIN if she had asked, and she hadn't, but her mom was home, so she went and did. And her mom said ok, which suprised me. So, we're looking online for where to buy the stuff. And, Kate is all set on using this one store that David suggested. Except, they don't have the best prices.
So, I say I'll spend the time to look and find better prices. (the place she wanted to buy was $20 a set for devil sticks.) And she argues with me, 'O, david said we should use this one.' Except, we only have $250 to spare in our budget. And, to buy the stuff where she wants to, will be $207, not counting shipping. So, I find a place that has them cheaper ($15 a set), only to find out that she 'accidentally' bought from the place she wanted to. So now, we have essentially NO money left in our budget to spare. We've spent $350 of $500, and supplies we HAVE to buy are going to be about $150. Which leaves us with NO more money. So, yeah, I'm pissed off. I was already pissed off because of how she's been acting, and now this is just one more thing. And a pretty major thing, since if she'd just listened to me, we'd have saved like $50 or $100, and had the money to get more supplies. I am so sick of her being such an irresponsible CHILD.

July 04, 2003 - 8:01 pm

I don't really have anything to say. I thought I did, but I don't. I'm sick of marcus' sanctimonious, 'I'm a better person than you in every way' shit. I'm just sick of it. So, fuck it, fuck him. I'll just go back to forgetting I have a brother.