December 31, 2003 - 2:26 am

So, after having 3 people tell me guy should pay it all, not just the half I was thinking of asking for, and 2 of those ppl being guys who I'm not particularly good friends with, and who would have no reason to be in my favor unfairly, I sent the boy the following email.

Hi. How are you? I'm kinda lousy, cos the doc's visit and the morning after pill was $85, and left me feeling lousy and sick. And I only had $40, and that $40 was for my bills that are due in the next 2 weeks, which I now have no way to pay, cos, just more proof the universe hates me, my tutoring for the past 2 weeks and this week got canceled, which means I have $150 less than I should have had. And I will get charged huge late fees if I don't pay my bills on time, and I also still owe the doctor $45 on top of my regular bills. So, since the fact that I had to go to the doc, and needed the morning after pill was at least as much your doing as mine, I need you to give me at least half of what the doctor's bill was, which would be $42.

I still feel weird asking him for money, but, everything I said in the email is true. I've got no possible way to pay off the doctor's bill other than him contributing, and I don't know how the hell I'm going to pay the bills left from December that have already arrived, and are going to arrive in the next 2 weeks.

December 30, 2003 - 8:24 pm

Should I ask boi for money, since I couldn't afford to pay the whole bill, and now owe planned parenthood $44? (I called, and it's $44 I owe, not $24.) I kinda want to, cos, it's not fair I should have to pay the whole damn thing, but at the same time, I kinda don't wanna make it an issue, since the sex was essentially my idea. But then again, he was the one who didn't realize that condoms don't stay on soft dicks. I'm conflicted. Is the reason I don't want to ask cos I somehow think women shouldn't make a nuisance of themselves? That doesn't seem like me, but, if it was anyone else in this situ, behaving like I am, that's the reason I'd give for their actions. PLEASE, leave a comment or a note, and let me know!

December 30, 2003 - 10:23 am

All my MP3s. Gone. I was resizing the partition the other day. And my computer froze. And the data was supposed to be recoverable, but windows deleted and then rebuilt the master file table, so now nothing is right, and most of it isn't even actual songs with the wrong file names, most of it is now bits and pieces of multiple songs, stuck together as one, with the wrong file name. Whimper.

December 29, 2003 - 3:39 pm

Well, got 'Plan B emergency contraceptive'. Took both pills, cos apparently there's new data that says taking both pills at the same time is just as good as taking one and then the other 12 hours later. And the doc said to take both. So, pray I bleed soon. I don't care what goddesses, gods, or beings you pray to, just pray for me. And, dear goddess it was expensive! Last time, in 2000, it was roughly $80, and that got me the morning after pill, and 3 months worth of birth control. This time, $64, and I got the morning after pill. I still owe Planned Parenthood $24, cos I only had $40. But, I'm freaked out. My body has been WEIRD the past 24 hours. *chants* I will NOT get pregnant, I will NOT get pregnant.

December 29, 2003 - 7:37 am

A very interesting website, which I found for fairly obvious reasons if you read the entry preceeding this one. Waiting for it to be 9am, so I can call the clinic, and find out if I can get a prescription for the morning after pill called into the pharmacy up the street. No worries on the paying, cos it turns out there's about $60 in bus and taxi fare on the dining room table, I've got $20 in my wallet, and $15 in the bank. So I can pay for my 'what kind of idiot doesn't know you are supposed to pull out before your cock gets soft, cos condoms fall off soft cocks' pills. Which has given me an enormous sense of peace. Cos, like so many of the women who submitted their stories to that site, I know I don't want a child. I'd be a horrible mother, and I'd likely kill myself and or the kid.

December 28, 2003 - 8:04 pm

So, got laid last nite (actually like 3 am this morning). Didn't get off. Didn't feel like sleeping at someone else's house, so came home, went to bed. Woke up at like 3 pm this afternoon, discovered the condom was still inside me! So now, I get to get up bright and early tomorrow morning, and drag my ass to the clinic for the morning after pill. And I can't fucking afford it! That's it, I give up on sex.

December 24, 2003 - 10:26 am

So, first off, Happy Holidays, whatever holidays it is you personally recognize and celebrate.
Secondly, *grin* I will likely be getting play soon, and possibly getting laid. The possibly is cos I dunno if I wanna go that far. Cos, I mean, obviously I want to go that far, dear goddess I want to go that far, but I don't know yet if I want to have sex with this particular guy in this particular situation.
So, what happened was, I hadn't seen him since like this summer, and we haven't actually been friends for like a year, just cos he never really seemed to care about trying to be friends when he was away at school. So, I wasn't even thinking of going to see him when my other friends were, and certainly wasn't thinking of suggesting we hook up. But then they were all at this park near my house, and I wanted to give the one girl a couple DVDs of stuff for her bro. So I walked up to the park and we talked a lil and then we all ended up out at dinner. This is the guy who is constantly touching ppl, I talked about him ages ago. So, we're at dinner, and at one point I jokingly scooted across the booth and away from him, cos he did something silly. But I was in the corner, so, couldn't go far. And cos I scooted away, he scooted closer and then leaned on my shoulder for like 5-10 min. And he smells GOOOOD.
Then when he finally sat up, he ended up petting my shoulder, cos I was wearing a soft comfy sweater, and I got tinglies from him petting my shoulder. So I started thinking, hmmm, so I was a bit more suggestive than I'd normally be. But not by much, cos one of the two other girls there, he used to date, and she REALLY cared about him for a while. When he left for school she was really upset. So, even tho she's had two serious guys since then, I wasn't gonna do anything beyond joking with her there, ya know? It'd have just been tacky.
Then the two other girls left, and it was raining, so I offered him a ride home, cos where he lived wasn't really out of the way of mom and I going back to rent's house. As it turned out, it was literally a block off the main road we'd have taken anyway. So, we drove him home, but, mom in car, so, couldn't do anything really. But I decided I'd say something when we dropped him off. But we were right by the car, so I just said we should hang out sometime without the others and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and asked if he'd be online lata. He said he would. So when we were chatting later, I said 'you know that we should hang out comment I made? it sorta meant something else'. Then I was a complete slut. *grin* Very 'I know what I want and it's you' and it was fun!
I really should be like that more often, just go after what I want, but I really dislike awkwardness. And if I get rejected by a guy, and then later have to be around him cos we have mutual friends or whatev, I feel like it's awkward. So, all too often I just don't go after what I want, and damn it I SHOULD.

December 19, 2003 - 8:26 am

My father is a fucking idiot. I got him to buy me MS Plus Digital Media Edition, cos I just got a digital camera, and Plus DME was $10 at staples. And I've explained to him any number of times that Microsoft now puts product activation on their stuff, so you can't install the same software with the same product number on more than one computer. I had the software delivered to my parent's house, cos that's the address associated with my father's staples account, so it was easier. It seems tho, that when the software arrived, he installed it over there. And even better, FORGOT TO PUT THE CD BACK IN THE BOX. So, he came over, and left me an empty cd box. (I was asleep at the time, after being up all day waiting for a fed ex package, cos I'd been up all the night before, and then FedEx called in the morning and said, o, we've got a package for you, it'll be delivered this afternoon. So I waited up til 7 pm, at which point I'd been awake 26 1/2 hours. FedEx never brought my package.)
So, this morning, when I opened the cd box, and saw it was empty, I figured out what he must have done pretty quickly. And, I called to leave a message on the answering machine, but mom answered the phone. So I had her check, and sure enough, the CD was in the computer over there! So I told her not to answer the phone when it rang again in a minute, so I'd get the machine, and left a message telling my father that since he had installed the software on the computer over there, it was now useless to me, because of microsoft's product activation, which I have tried to explain to him any number of times, and that oh by the way, he hadn't given me the CD anyway. But that didn't matter now, cos it was useless to me anyway.
Oh, and I'm now also pissed because the software I use for instant message logging, DeAdAIM, only saves convos when you close the message window. So if your computer freezes, you lose every convo that was open. There used to be software called AIM+ that saved convos every time a message was sent or received, but it's makers stopped supporting it, so it doesn't work properly with the current versions of AIM. So I bought DeAdAIM, except it just isn't working for me. So I'm going to write them a semi nasty email, saying that if they aren't planning to introduce the alternate style of IM logging, which a number of their users have requested, then I want my money back, and I'll quit using their product, and find one that works properly.

December 16, 2003 - 9:32 am

Picked a domain. Have been working on getting my pages edited so they have the new domain, and been switching em to CSS while I was at it, and doing some updates I'd been meaning to do. O, hey, I learned CSS! Plus, I've been writing some!

December 09, 2003 - 6:50 pm

So I finally decided to take the plunge and get an actual website, instead of a free hosting one, in large part because this company 1and1.com is having a free 3 year hosting promo which is pretty sweet. So, now I need to pick a domain name for my new site. I can't decide between helmcgee, helenm, or helenmcgee. My friends all call me hel, but either of the ones with mcgee in it, if I give it out verbally, ppl could misspell it as macgee, and I don't want ppl misspelling my domain. And, helmcgee, what if a couple years from now no one is calling me hel anymore, I'd either be using something that didn't reflect who I am, or have to change it. So I'm kinda leaning towards helenm, but of the dozen friends I've asked, only one like helenm, the rest were pretty evenly split between helmcgee and helenmcgee. So I need some more opinions. Yeah, I'm indecisive conflicted girl. *frown* PLEASE leave a comment or a note and let me know which you prefer!

December 04, 2003 - 3:38 pm

Was gonna talk about my digital camera, but already did that. It kicks ass tho.
My Life really sucks tho.
I've got no love life worth mentioning. The guy I thought maybe I might be able to have some fun with, I've finally admitted to myself, it's not gonna happen with. We MIGHT get to be friends, but, even that's probably a stretch.
The new tutoring student I was so happy and excited about seems to have pretty much decided they don't want help with their computer, which I can sort of understand, cos the guy is essentially blind, and had a stroke, so can't exactly type or use the mouse. But this means I'm back to $50 a week max, with an occasional bit more from an odd job for a friend.
All the people I consider friends, don't live anywhere near me. Either they never did cos I met them online, or they've moved away for school, or I moved away from them. I've been trying to do more things, meet people, but it's not working. I've gone to two different things at the smithsonian, and not met anyone. And yeah, both events were pretty nifty in and of themselves, but I went to em in the hopes of meeting some interesting ppl.
sigh.