April 30, 2005 - 2:00 pm

I lost another pound since yesterday morning. Even tho I was totally bad and had quiche for dinner last night, and a couple chocolates. This makes a total of 14 pounds lost in the past 2 weeks. Pardon me while I *SQUEEE*! I love life right now.

April 28, 2005 - 11:27 pm

Don't read this. It's here for me, not for anyone else.





I should have gone to bed. But I didn't. And then Aurora signed on, and wanted to play. And I wanted to, but should sleep. And then AFBoi signed on, and I suggested they play, which they're going to, but now I'm pouty, cos thought of the two of them got me really horny, which I already rather was anyway from last night. And for me, sleep dep+horny=wide fucking awake, and wound up. But I can't go play with them, and I wanna, and that makes me pouty. And I feel bad for being pouty, cos Aurora's so excited, and I'm glad she's gonna have fun. But I wanna play with her. And that's TWICE now !this week! I've been all horny over thoughts of fucking AFBoi and not gotten to. And Wednesday when we were nearly to AFBoi's, he was willing to turn around and go pick up Aurora, but tonight, when he's going up to get Aurora, he's not willing to make a side trip that's not even exactly out of the way so I can hang out with them. And I don't even so much want to see him, as I do her.
It's just this thing wherein the last 4 times he and I have gotten together, I've wondered why. And he always has reasons I can't really take issue with as to why it seems like wasted effort, cos he hadn't eaten in 36 hours, cos he got ticklish, cos he's only good for 2 orgasms a night and Aurora got both, cos he doesn't feel well. But, still. 4 times that have felt like wasted effort, wasted time. I can't help feeling like there's something else there. He got me off that once, with my vibe, which is more than any other guy ever managed, but, I dunno. Maybe I just feel like crap and shouldn't say or do anything that I'll regret, but, then again...What's the point of a fuck buddy you never fuck?
Suddenly I'm tired of people, tired of sex, tired of the whole damn thing. Ya know, I dunno why I get so bloody surprised when the universe fucks with me. There is a god, and he's a sadist, and hope is his best weapon. It's not like anyone is ever gonna be anything more than just a way to pass the time. It's never gonna work, and even trying is just a waste, cos it just gets my hopes up. No one's ever gonna get me off, and sex just for fun is getting old. *shakes head* Wish someone could tell me how to rewire my brain. I'd trade a lot for a few simple things. To be happy. To be able to let go, get off. To not feel like if I let go enough to get off, the part of me that's Ricky's daughter will take over, and I won't be me anymore.
And who the hell am I anyway? I'm not Helena. She bled out when she was 14. So I renamed this body, called it Helen, and now Hel, and carved myself a world from the remnants of hers. But I'm not supposed to be here. This body was supposed to be in the dirt 9 years ago. But it's not, and I spend all my time trying to make it fit somewhere, but it doesn't, I don't, and never will, because I wasn't supposed to wake back up. There wasn't supposed to be enough blood left. But something went wrong, and there was. And I won't go down that road again, because that would be...that would be...well, it would be something I can't let myself be.
I just need more fuck buddies. Maybe I should drop the no fucking the first time I meet a guy rule. Then I could go fuck Trigger, and 25y/oDivorcedw/Kids, and that other random okcupid dude. But I don't think more fuck buddies would really fix anything. It never has yet. But I dunno what will. Maybe I should write off guys for the moment, just try women. Maybe that's the change that'll change things?
I think I'm gonna pop some sleeping pills to combat being wound up and go to bed. Heh. lovely. Awake 33 hours with about 80 minutes of sleep, and I dunno if even sleeping pills are gonna be enough to knock me out. I'd go for a walk, but I didn't get enough exercise today for anything short of walking 4 miles to wear me out. Less than that, and it'll just wake me up more. well, an hour to study til the sleeping pills kick in.

April 28, 2005 - 10:44 pm

Went out with Aurora Tuesday night, after AFBoi canceled on me to mope cos this chiq he was into is dating someone else (which, ya know, thrilled me no end. *rolls eyes*). We just did dinner and a movie, as friends, tho with cuddling, but nothing else. And it was great, totally perfect. Til she got on metro, and a lil voice in my head went 'you shoulda kidnapped her and dragged her to the garden and ravished her.' And I so shoulda. I blame the smell on the wind tho, it was a wild night. I ended up going out at 2 am, walking up to the garden, txting her and telling her what I wanted to be doing to her, and masturbating sitting on the bench in the gazebo. We SOOO have to go up there one night. *grin*
Went to AFBoi's last nite. Was expecting much fun. Didn't really get it. Had some fun. Was playing with his cock in the car on the way over. In broad daylight, on the beltway, at 7pm, the tail end of rush hour. We so totally amused the hell out of a couple truckers. Then AFBoi suggested I lick him, and, how could I resist?! I made it quick tho, like, 3 seconds, cos, REALLY didn't want to distract him while he was driving.
He'd said he was wildly horny, and seemed to be. He was going to bend me over and fuck me as soon as we got in the door. I even wore a skirt, without panties, just so he could! We got inside, and he was about to put a condom on, and I decided I wanted to pin him to the door and suck him. He wasn't in camo, but I wanted to anyway. So I did, and fun was had, and I figured, well, we'll just fuck in a bit, once he recovers, we can watch my Empire Records Fan Remix DVD in the meantime. (The movie was great. If you liked Empire Records, get it, it's like, 2/3 a totally diff movie, and just as good!)
Well, during the course of watching the movie, AFBoi started to not feel well, stomach flu or something. He teased me with his fingers a lil bit while we watched the movie, but that was pretty much it for the night. And then I couldn't sleep. I finally got to sleep at like 7 am, and at 7:30 am, the loudest fucking lawn mowers on the planet came by the dorm half a dozen times. And then the smell of the cut grass got in the room, and my allergies acted up, and I didn't get back to sleep. Finally lay down at 11, and got one REM cycle before the alarm went off at 1pm. AFBoi dropped me at metro, and I went off to school.
Now, see, I was supposed to have been at school at 11 am to fill out paperwork for the new job, which they finally got back to me about. But when AFBoi had invited me over, and I'd thought much fun was in the offing, I'd decided to just go up later. Only I hadn't been able to get ahold of the woman, and her voicemail kept cutting me off. So, when I got up there at 2:45, she wouldn't see me because I'd missed my appointment, and she made me reschedule for tomorrow. And dumbass me said '11 am or noon?' and she said 11. When my psych test isn't til 1. And the paperwork is gonna take like, half an hour if that. *sigh* And my psych tests aren't til 1.

April 23, 2005 - 12:54 pm

Again stolen from Jinx
20 years ago I... (1985)
1. was 3.
2. lived in Oak Harbor WA.
3. liked to play with rattlesnakes.

10 years ago I... (1995)
1. was miserable and on the verge of killing myself.
2. ran away from home and no one noticed.
3. loved to sleep in the woods

5 years ago I... (2000)
1. was working on fixing the things I'd fucked up since 1995.
2. was dreaming of college.
3. had sex for the first time

3 years ago I... (2002)
1. Turned 21 and didn't have a wild party
2. was still dreaming of college
3. got my tongue pierced

1 year ago I... (2004)
1. FINALLY started college
2. started working real (as opposed to just summer) jobs
3. got to watch Ricky die

So far this year I... (2005)
1. found out my first semester GPA was 4.0
2. got really optimistic about my future
3. had my first girl-girl experience, and my first threesome.

Yesterday I...
1. Got a 90% on a psychology exam
2. worked
3. Finished reading Battlefield Earth

Today I...
1. blew off work cos I'm feeling out of it
2. studied
3. Helped make plans for an orgy someone I know is having

Tomorrow I will...
1. Work
2. Study
3. go grocery shopping

In the next year I will...
1. Continue working toward the future I want
2. Go out more, have more fun
3. try and be happy

April 21, 2005 - 10:11 pm

So, interesting things happened Monday. And even more very interesting things happened Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. And I'll write about em later. Suffice it to say, definitely not nights I'll ever forget.
Ok, it's later. Fair warning, the following entry will be about sex. So, couple line breaks here to let you run away if you wish.




It's about me having sex with a girl. Rather kinky sex, least to any 'nilla folks out there, and if you dunno what 'nilla is, odds are you are. So, like, if you know me IRL, and don't want those thoughts in your head, this would be the time to close the browser window.




Still here? Alrighty then, don't say I didn't warn you. So, I previously mentioned that ScienceBoi introduced me to a very cool girl. And I've come up with a nickname for her! Aurora. Cos it's part of one of her sns, and I couldn't come up with anything else.
So, Aurora and I had been chatting online quite a bit since ScienceBoi introed us. And we get along really well. So, we had a date for Monday the 18th, in the evening, after she got out of class. Well, Sunday night I was up late, and around 5am AFBoi said he wished he hadn't said no to the idea of me coming over. And I said, well, I'm not as far away as I usually am (I was at mom's) wanna come over? And so he did. This tells you how horny/cuddle deprived I was feeling, cos I'd more or less sworn to NEVER have anyone over to mom's.
But I did. It went ok, not great. We were having fun, I ripped his back to shreds with my nails to the point he had tactile welts, spent quite a while sucking him off but not quite letting him cum, and then he got super ticklish (kinda my fault) and that was pretty much it, we went to sleep. About 4 hours later, around 1 pm, he got a call from work, he had to go in to deal with stuff for this big training thing this weekend. Even tho it was supposed to be his day off. So he left.
I hadn't really slept while he was there, just drifted in and out. And I didn't really sleep after he left either. Got up around 4 pm, showered, got stuff together, had mom drive me home. Got to the restaurant I was meeting Aurora at right on time. She showed up, and we talked the WHOLE time. She's a psych major too, so we talked about psych related things, and guys we know, and just, lots of stuff.
After dinner, we walked to the playground. We swung for a bit, talking the whole time. Went up and sat on the jungle gym, played tic tac toe, and talked. Noticing a theme? *smile* It was really great. I told her things I don't usually tell people, and certainly don't tell them so soon after meeting them.
I had mentioned to her online my rather complete lack of experience with girls, and since she said she's really shy about making the first move, I'd said I would, but was concerned I might miss cues, and so if I did, she should poke me. I did. She didn't poke me. She had to be at metro by 12:15 to catch the train. I'd set the alarm on my cell for 11:30, figuring that would give us plenty of time to walk to metro. Well, the alarm on my cell goes off, I say we need to leave, and she says she wishes she could get herself to do things she wanted to do. I ask if she means us kissing, which she did, and so I kissed her, and then we ended up making out after I reset the alarm on my cell for 11:45.
That 15 minutes of making out with her, turned me on more than anything actual (as opposed to possible) with any other person ever has, short of the one time AFBoi got a mini-O out of me. And she'd told me earlier she was submissive. And I discovered she's masochistic too. So, TopHel was definitely ready to come out and play. But we had to go, or she wouldn't have gotten home.
So, walking to the metro, we were saying how much we wished we didn't have to part ways for the night. I jokingly said I should call AFBoi and ask if we could come over and use his place, which she said she'd be up for. But I thought about it, and realized we wouldn't have time to make the change of trains to get to his place. So, I walked her partway into the station, kissed her goodbye, and went home so horny that walking took all my concentration.
I chatted with her online when she got home, told he what I'd been thinking walking home, what I wanted to do to her, including the fact that I thought she should be punished for not speaking up about being kissed until when she did, since if she'd spoken up earlier, we could have had about an hour more time to play. She agreed, and we contemplated plans for when next to go out, and decided on the next evening, Tuesday, pending suitable location. And I asked her to dress a certain way, in a skirt conducive to spanking. Around 3 am, I went to bed, only to wake up at 6 am after a nasty sneezing fit and not be able to fall back asleep, with me having to go to class at 11.
So, I went to class, we thought we had our plans finalized, as it seemed her roommate wouldn't be home. (my place being out, cos my uncle would be there.) Then it turned out that her roommate was going to be home after all. :( So, the best I could come up with was the woods near a public garden near me, which served me pretty well a number of years ago with Rob. But then it started to rain.
She was going to come over anyway, and we were going to see what we could come up with, but she was running late because her speech partner at school fainted after running up some stairs, and she felt she needed to stay til he was taken away in the ambulance. So, I was home, online, chatting, and AFBoi was on. He had been pretty well briefed as to the state of things, and I mentioned that I'd jokingly suggested she and I come over to his place the night before. Well, he thought I meant us coming over that night, and said fine. I said, wait, what, we got the misunderstanding cleared, and Aurora and I ended up with someplace to go that night, even tho we were going to have to leave really early, more or less when metro opened, so that she could get home for plans with her brother.
So, we got to the metro AFBoi was picking us up at, got back to his place, ate the burgers we'd picked up, kissed, and tried to talk AFBoi into putting on his camo for us. He ran out for a minute, and I made sure Aurora knew she didn't have to play with him at all if she didn't want to, which she said she knew, and did want to. When AFBoi got back, we finally talked him into putting on the camo! We both like guys in uniform, and while camo isn't exactly a uniform, it's plenty close enough. AFBoi asked if he was being modest, meaning should he go change in the bathroom, and the consensus was no. So he changed into his camo, after a bit of a delay during which she and I made out, tho he wouldn't make a show of it for us, and we were suitably impressed by him in quasi-uniform.
I pulled him over, and gave him head for a minute or two (look, I don't wear belts, it's been roughly 5 years since I wore anything with a fly, and undoing your own clothes is a WHOLE other thing than undoing someone else's clothes. So, yeah, I made him undo his belt and partly undo his fly. I'da been ok with the belt if it hadn't been stretchy elastic, but the top button on his fly just hated me!), cos I'd been wanting to suck him while he was in camo since I first saw him in the camo. Still wanna do the whole, pull him into the room, pin him to the door, and make him cum before he gets a chance to take anything off dealie, and I'm sure I will soon.
I wanted to make sure Aurora didn't feel left out, so I kissed her, which led to us making out while AFBoi diplomatically went and read email. I told her to take off her shirt, but she hesitated when I took off her bra. (And yes, I apologized to AFBoi for teasing him about difficulty unhooking my bra.) I guessed she was feeling shy cos he and I were still dressed, so I asked if she'd feel better if she wasn't the only one, and at her nod, I pulled off my shirt and bra too. I leaned her back on the bed, and started licking and sucking and nibbling on her very sensitive nipples. I whispered and asked if she'd like having two mouths on her, and when she said yeah, I called AFBoi over.
He joined us, and we spent some time with both our mouths on her breasts. This quickly led to all of us naked, with me sucking on Aurora's breasts and AFBoi licking and fingering her cunt.
I wouldn't give her permission to cum, because she still needed to be punished, so after she begged to cum about 4 times, I decided it was time to dispense with the punishing. I told her to bend over the armchair, and used her hairbrush on her, about 2 dozen times. I was mostly hitting from the wrist, tho a couple strokes I did from the shoulder, and I spread the strokes out pretty well, tho I did catch a couple spots more than once. I intended it as a pretty playful punishment tho, so stopped when it seemed like what I'd done would twinge for a day or so. I'd also brought my lil cat-o-9, which is actually pretty soft unless you REALLY bring it down HARD, so I used that for a last few strokes, and AFBoi wanted to know what it felt like too. I barely flicked it at all on him tho, cos he's never seemed very masochistic in the past. (edit-of course, later he complained I was TOO gentle!)
After a bit of cuddling, we all moved back to the bed, and I fingered her clit, and then licked her clit while finger fucking her, all while AFBoi played with her breasts, and I'm pretty sure he was rather rough with her nipples, since she later said she was sore, but all evidence showed that she was quite enjoying herself. Somewhere in there, I forget exactly when, she came, and I wanted to see how easily she'd cum again, so we continued. She and I had discussed anal, and she'd been willing to give it a try even tho she had a bad experience in the past, so I used lots of lube and slid my finger into her, which produced all sorts of fun noises. AFBoi continued with her breasts, and I used anal beads on her while I fingered her, and then while I fucked her by hand with the dildo. At one point I had 2 fingers in her pussy along with the dildo.
I slid the dildo slowly into her ass, (with LOTS of lube), and then fingered her cunt while the dildo was in her ass. I got my 4 fingers in her, to the third knuckle, and that was with my hand flat. If I'd curled my hand, I'm pretty sure her tight little pussy would have stretched right open for my whole hand. She came, and said 'that's two.' She meant she'd had two orgasms at once, but I thought she just meant it was her second, and continued playing with her. She said she needed a break tho, and explained it'd been a total of 3, and I decided after 3, she deserved a break.
I got up and washed my hands, everyone had a bathroom break, and we watched Firefly for a bit, all naked on the bed. I was sitting behind Aurora, and AFBoi was stretched out on our left, on his stomach, cuddled up to us. I got the lube and started to play with AFBoi's ass, at which point he asked what I was planning, was I going to do something evil? (AFBoi likes his ass played with.) I said no, I hadn't intended to be evil, and in fact intended something I rather thought he'd enjoy. He relaxed, and I slid one finger into him, very slowly and gently, since last time we did this, he ended up calling a halt cos it hurt. I did one finger for a while, then very gingerly added a second, which was when he had complained last time. He didn't this time, so I spent quite a while slowly, gently fucking his ass with two fingers. Apparently, too long a while, since he asked, in a very smart ass tone, 'what were you planning to do?' I told him I was planning to fuck him with the dildo (with a new condom on it of course!), and he replied something along the lines of, 'well you're taking quite a while about it, aren't you?' At which point I said, 'oh, you're really asking for this', which Aurora agreed with, lubed the dildo quite well, and pushed it into him in one quick smooth stroke, aiming down toward his stomach a bit in hopes of catching his prostate. He whimpered very nicely, arched his back, and pushed his hips back. So, that was how we watched most of the pilot of Firefly, me fucking his ass with the dildo and cuddling Aurora.
Towards the end of the ep, AFBoi announced he'd had enough of the dildo. I was getting a bit bored with it anyway, and was happy to put it aside and concentrate on Aurora again. Her nipples were pretty sore (she'd asked AFBoi to leave them alone when we'd been playing earlier), and I quite enjoyed teasing them anyway and listening to her whimper, and then telling her to watch the show when I was the one distracting her. AFBoi had rolled over on his back, so he could see Aurora with me behind her, and the more she whimpered the longer and thicker his cock got, which I made sure to point out to her. He may have been fingering her, or might have just been playing with her thighs, I never really saw. We finished watching the pilot of Firefly, and I suggested that since AFBoi had done quite a bit for her that evening, she ought to reciprocate. She asked how, and I said I was sure she could think of something. (One of the things we had talked about on our date the previous night was how much we both like sucking cock, so I was pretty sure what she'd go for.)
I was right, and she leaned down and wrapped her lips around him. I'd never been at an angle I could really see his face while he got head before, and it was interesting. Since Aurora was being such a good girl, I slid my fingers into her again, and finger fucked her the whole time she was sucking him off. After he came, we cuddled for a bit, and then I decided it was time for Aurora to take care of me. I told her to eat me out, which she was a very good girl and did, while AFBoi played with my breasts and sucked on my fingers. He started biting my fingers tho, and actually caught a joint between his teeth which didn't feel so great. I gave him a look, and he said 'I'm in the mood to bite.' I replied, 'Fine, but there are better things to bite!' He asked like what, I suggested my neck, and he dove down and latched on, and OH MY GODDESS. *grin* Between her tongue on my clit and his mouth on my neck, I was going crazy. (not enough to get off, cos my body just HATES me, but, still, DAYMN!) AFBoi and Aurora commiserated on how, because I'm so quiet, it's difficult to tell when I'm enjoying myself. I pointed out that I say if something not good, or I want something specific, and AFBoi smartassedly said to Aurora, 'Yeah, but with her so quiet, it's hard to tell if she's liking what she wanted!'
When Aurora and I had discussed anal earlier that evening, I'd suggested AFBoi fucking her ass to her, and she'd seemed to like the idea, so after AFBoi was done with my neck, I asked if he wanted to fuck her ass. He didn't know we'd discussed it, so when I suggested it he said 'only if it's ok with her.' I figured might as well give her another chance to change her mind, and asked if it was ok, which she said it was. I handed him the lube, and told him to be gentle with my girl, and he fingered and then fucked her ass while she licked my clit and fingered my cunt. Earned herself quite a lot of punishment strokes for another day too, cos she kept getting distracted and forgetting to lick me while he was fucking her.
After he had cum, he crawled back up next to me on the bed, with Aurora still licking me, and then asked me if I was ever going to tell her she wasn't going to get me off. I hadn't planned to say any such thing, cos I wasn't convinced it was true, not by a long shot, but of course as soon as he said it, her head popped up, she asked if it was true, my mood broke, and then of course it was true. That was pretty much it for the sex for the night. A while later, while Aurora was outside having a cig, I sucked AFBoi's cock for a minute to see if he could manage a third go, but it seemed he couldn't, not without more work than I was willing to put in. Aurora came back in, we ended up watching some anime and then another firefly ep, which Aurora fell asleep halfway through. AFBoi went and showered, I did the same, and I got about a 45 minute nap before we had to get up and leave. Of course no one else had set an alarm, and mine didn't go off, but I woke up 2 minutes after when I meant to anyway.
We piled into the car, made it to metro alive despite AFBoi's tired driving, and Aurora and I headed home. I ended up bailing on a poetry reading I was supposed to do for extra credit in French class, and sleeping all day, and most of the night. Aurora ended up canceling her thing with her brother, which if she'd decided to do in the first place, we all could have slept in a bit later, but oh well. Given how we'd all fallen asleep when we napped before we left, I'd have woken up with a nasty backache if we had.
All in all, it was, really, the most fun I've had (at least involving sex) ever in my life. Particularly Tuesday evening, but the whole couple days. I met a very cool local chiq who I'd love to even just be friends with, and it looks like I'll get to be friends with benefits with, got my first real girl kiss, made out with a girl for the first time, fucked a girl for the first time, and had my first threesome (and yeah, I've said it before, but come on! My First Threesome? Tell me that DOESN'T sound like a really fucked up kid's book!)

April 20, 2005 - 5:52 pm

Stolen from Jinx
Pick ONE from each pair that you think describes me the best & leave it in the comments.
* dominant or submissive
* logical or intuitive
* social or loner
* kinky or vanilla
* cute or sophisticated
* kitten or puppy
* warm flannel sheets or sleek satin
* leader or follower
* quiet or talkative
* spontaneous or planned
* teddy bear or porcelain doll
* hiking or window shopping
* tequila or vodka
* top or bottom
* bare foot or shoes
* jeans or slacks
* tender or rough
* aware or dreamy
* nerd or geek

April 18, 2005 - 6:28 am

Wow, I'm desperate to get laid. I'm having AFBoi over to my MOTHER'S. *shudder* Ah well. Should be fun at least!

April 18, 2005 - 1:31 am

Heh. It's like, a universal truth. If two women both know a guy, and one knows him well and the other is considering getting to know him, they WILL end up discussing details about that guy.
So, I've got a date Monday night with the chiq that ScienceBoi introduced me to. And it turns out that AFBoi emailed her off of okcupid the other day. Both ScienceBoi and AFBoi had contacted me from okcupid. AFBoi totally didn't know I knew her when he emailed her. It's kinda an amusing personal version of 6 degrees of separation, 'cept at this point, it's 0 degrees of separation, cos we all know each other! Well, except the guys. The guys don't know each other.
And ScienceBoi was a smartass when I told him about AFBoi emailing the the chiq (who I have yet to come up with a nic for, but will soon.) He said, and I quote-'so someone from okcupid has e-mailed you both. somehow i find this an amazingly unlikely event.'
This whole thing just amuses me in so many different ways.
And on another topic, I've decided to take just 9 credits over the summer, and 15 or 16 next fall. I'm taking Math, and 2 Psych classes this summer. I'm gonna take Bio, Logic, Psych, English, and I forget what else (I've got the list at home) next fall.
The date with FurryBoi Thursday went reasonably well. We had dinner, saw the movie, it was about what I expected. He's pretty shy, but, he's open to direction, like, 'cuddling during movies is good'.
I went back to my dentist Wednesday. She'd sent the crown back to the lab, and made them fix it, and she put it on, no problems. So now I'm all done, just a cleaning in a couple months.
Our mechanic doesn't think the Hyundai is worth fixing. So Ann's looking into buying a used car. A friend of a friend of my brother's is selling their car for fairly cheap, more or less just cos they're tired of it. And if that's already sold, there're some other possibilities.

April 17, 2005 - 3:10 am

Heh. And my first thought was 'ooo, do you get to kill people? Or even better, torture then kill people?' And I doubt that's what it is, but it's far more fun to think that than anything else. *grin*
and on a slightly different note-
one, two, freddy's coming for you
three, four, better lock your door
five, six, grab your crucifix
seven, eight, gonna stay up late
nine, ten, never sleep again

April 13, 2005 - 12:36 am

*whimper* and she IMed me. and she's pretty cool. I SOOO shoulda said yes. *whimper* I want girlcuddles.

April 12, 2005 - 10:52 pm

So, I've got plans with FurryBoi for Thursday. Tho I'm pretty much expecting him to get shy and cancel. It really just makes life easier if you expect to be canceled on.
I forget if I mentioned, I had a chat with ScienceBoi, and it turned out the lack of cuddles was due to teh shy, not to not wanting to cuddle. So, he's possibly a possibility.
Trigger has yet to make an attempt to schedule a date, and has barely been online. Busy, perhaps. Whatev.
DomBoi from last spring's definitely a write off. He got a new bike, and he said something about 'yay for loud' and I said 'boo for loud, loud=attention whore' and he said 'loud=safety, cos cars hear loud when they don't see bike' and I said 'if you need loud to keep yourself safe, you shouldn't be on teh road.' and he got all pissy and quit talking to me.
25y/oDivorcedWKids has been IMing me lately, wanting to webcam, and then when I webcam, wanting me naked. Which he hasn't gotten (mostly. *grin*). He keeps saying how he wants to come up and fuck, but doesn't even try to make plans to get together so we'll have actually met and he'll be a valid member of the possible fucktois. And he knows perfectly well at least one meeting is required before he'll be someone I'll consider sleeping with. So, *shrug*
A guy I sorta played with over a year ago popped back up lately. This is the guy I went to see jeeper's creepers 2 with, the guy who, before JC2, I had ended up not chatting with for ages cos he got all intense about music, and I just wrote him off cos it was the last straw with all his other moody BS. I think I'll call him WriterBoi. So, whenever it was that we went to see JC2, after, we went to the playground near my place and made out. And pretty much never talked after. But he IMed me recently, and we chatted, and he was all 'OMG, I'm so horny.' And I was like, 'cool, nother boitoi.' Only, we went to see Sin City Friday, and hung out for a bit after, and he barely even hugged me. Didn't hug me in fact, til he was leaving and I asked if I at least got a hug. And this was after he'd been, for days, saying online how he was so horny and would totally jump me given half a chance. So, le sigh.
I'm really unimpressed with the new dentist. Or at least with their lab. Twice now the crown they've sent has been screwed up in one way or another. I like the dentist well enough tho, so I'll wait and see. Tho the temp crown the dentist put on, after the other temp crown broke the day they put it on, the replacement temp crown, came off. Granted, I was flossing at the time, which I wasn't supposed to be doing.
I got totally confused about when the pay period at work ended. I thought this week was the last week of it, but it was last week. This week is the first week of the new pay period. So I totally didn't have to work Sunday morning. And my check Wednesday is going to be less cos I had 2 shifts from the previous pay period I had missed and was going to make up this week. But oh well. I was planning on working some extra shifts this month anyway, to make some extra cash for NY in May. So now I've got an incentive to work at least 2 of the next 3 Sunday mornings. And maybe some other shifts as well. We'll see.
Finals the first 2 weeks of May. I'll do ok I think. And I'm doing a poem reading thing for extra credit in French. So I might even keep my 4.0. I doubt it, but it's possible!
Was amused today in psych. I answered a couple fairly basic questions (basic plot of the odessy, who wrote the iliad) and after class this one woman was really complimenting me, saying how smart I am and how I always know the answers (I really don't) and how when I'm not there the class is like, silent, no discussion. It was nice. I know it's not really exactly true, but it was nice nonetheless.
I just turned down a chance to go out with ScienceBoi and some random chiq I don't know. And it might have included play. But, I sorta get the feeling that inviting me was all ScienceBoi's idea, and I didn't want to have that whole awkwardness if the other chiq didn't want her date turning into a threesome with a chiq she doesn't know. So I said no. And I'm regretting it already. Better to regret the things you did than the things you did not do, but I'd rather regret not taking the chance, than make the other chiq uncomfy and end up regretting that. Course, mighta turned out everyone got along great and it was a wild fun night, but....really, what're the odds of that? In this universe? *sigh*

April 07, 2005 - 7:31 pm

Oh my holy fucking goddess. 4 dates! Trigger has canceled 4 dates! Well, ok, I could be generous and call it three, count the two that were both for the same work project as one, but still! SHEESH! Twice was work, once was school, and now pink eye! He says it's not a case of not wanting to meet, but I'm a cynic. Then again, maybe the universe really does just hate me this much.
And, ok, yeah, there was a possibility I woulda fallen asleep on his shoulder at the movie, cos my sleep schedule has been entirely out of whack lately, and so I slept for 12 hours wednesday, til 6 pm, then went back to bed at 1 am thursday (today) and woke up at 5 am, and have been awake since. And it was really hot all day at school, cos the weather is warming up and they haven't turned the AC on yet, which was making me sleepy. So I'm kinda worn out, but then again, my walk home in the rain was very pleasant and rather invigorating, and I was really looking forward to some cuddle time. So I'm mainly really disappointed. I've offically abdicated responsibility for planning future dates. heh. future date attempts. He says he'll make plans, and have failsafes. (he asked how I felt about being locked in a bunker. I said, nah, not on a first date.) We'll see.

April 05, 2005 - 8:54 am

I'm a horrible person. I totally just used babelfish to do my french homework, which was to write a half page paper about how things were in the past. *shrug* Oh well. I've had various other things I meant to write about in the past few days, but never did, and can't remember now.
Oh, I've yet to meet Trigger, because the two times we had actual plans, he had to cancel cos of work, and we sort of had plans to make plans for last night, but then he found out he was going to have to be in class til 9 pm, and had to be up at 6 am today, so, couldn't really do anything last night.
That's all for now.

April 02, 2005 - 11:55 pm

You scored as Hedonism. Your life is guided by the principles of Hedonism: You believe that pleasure is a great, or the greatest, good; and you try to enjoy life�s pleasures as much as you can. �Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die!� More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page... Hedonism 75% Existentialism 70% Strong Egoism 70% Justice (Fairness) 70% Utilitarianism 45% Nihilism 30% Apathy 30% Kantianism 20% Divine Command 5% What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03) created with QuizFarm.com

April 02, 2005 - 10:16 pm

So, lately I've got this rather indelible mental image of slowly sliding an exquisitely sharp blade down someone's back, making row after row of perfectly straight shallow bloody cuts. I think I blame AFBoi, cos this mental image appeared after I scratched his back up that one night. *grin*