September 23, 2004 - 11:42 pm

so, we're having work done on the house. and the guys had come yesterday, but no one was here, and they needed to plug in an extension cord. Mom told them I'd be home by 2:30, which I was, but they didn't want to wait. SO, they were coming back today. And so we called their boss at 6:30 yesterday, to ask if they'd need the extension cord today, in which case I would set it up for them before I left. Their boss didn't call back til 10:30 this morn. They did need the extension cord. I'd told mom I'd be home between 11:30 and 12:30, only she thought I meant I'd get home at 12:30. So she told them I'd be there at half past noon, and could they wait til then, and the boss said sure. So, the boss left to go get paint, and says he told them to wait, and one of the latino work crew opens my bedroom window, and plugs their extension cord into an outlet in my room, managing to unplug my computer in the process, cos he dragged on the cord to get it to where he could reach. So I get home, discover they ran the cord through the window, am not happy, but take a shower cos I'm icky. I get out of the shower, go to print the 2 essays that were due at 1pm, and discover my computer won't boot! windows says it can't repair the errors on C: drive! so I'm rather pissed, I've got to leave in like 15 min. I call mother and bitch, call their boss and bitch, go bitch at them, which was fairly useless cos they didn't really seem to understand. They think I just want the cord unplugged, so they do that, except they still need it, so I have to replug it where I would have plugged it to begin with if we'd been told ahead of time they would need it. I leave for class, hoping the teacher doesn't ask us to hand in the assignment (he didn't). I'm at school, 5 min til class starts, my mother calls me, says the guy in charge called her back, all apologetic, says he'll fire the guy who ran the cord through the window cos he didn't wait like the boss told him to, he'll buy me dinner or something to make up for the computer being borked. which, how that makes up for it, hell if I know. so, I get home from class, take a nap before work, then set up a third party repair CD to run while I was at work. it fixed the boot drive, tho the files I was DLing to a secondary drive at the time are fucked. but meh, I'll just redownload em.

September 19, 2004 - 5:11 pm

We are so deep in debt, thanks to Ricky, I don't know how the hell we're ever going to get out. And mom won't fucking DO anything! She goes, 'o, this needs to be done, o that needs to be done' and then doesn't do anything, except continue whining about what needs to be done. I can't fucking do it! Between school, studying the bare minimum so that I have any hope of passing, working, and sleeping, I have something like 15 hours a week of 'free' time. She doesn't work, isn't in school, just sits around at home all day, and yet damn near everything that got done in the past 7 days, I did! It drives me completely insane. I asked her yesterday if she had done something she needed to do, and she said no. I asked what she had done all day, and she said 'sat around, watched TV'. She's 59 years old! She's an adult, and she's acting like a fucking 5 year old who expects everyone else to do everything for them!
We went up last night to visit mom's friend Deane, and her son Sean was home. He's my bro's age, 35 or so, works for AOL, big ole geek. :) It was amusing. I asked him if he could help me get a basic idea of what my learning curve would/will be if/when I start using Linux. Only, he was a bit drunk, so he went off on a lot of tangents while showing me some basic stuff on Fedora. Was amusing, and cute. And I did get a bit of an idea of how I'll adapt to Linux, and the answer seems to be pretty well. It was funny actually, he was rather surprised when I knew what emacs was, that I recognized names of different Linux distros, etc. I think he'd have been less surprised, or expressed it differently, if he'd had a couple drinks less, but whatever. He was much more outgoing and friendly than he normally is. Also amusing, the website he used to demonstrate the Linux browser (mozilla) he uses was the a.s.s.m archive *grins*.

September 18, 2004 - 1:46 am

OkCupid probed me. I, HelDC, am: hornier, less artsy, more independent, greedier and less old-fashioned than most.

September 13, 2004 - 11:46 pm

Heard back about the blood I had drawn for the NIH study screening, all my labs came back normal. (beautiful labs was what the guy who called said, no clue why.) So, that's nice to know. I wasn't actually concerned, just, the little voice in the back of my mind going 'what if?'.
So mom and I went up to the grocery store, cos there were a couple ppl who work there who had been very nice and helpful with Ricky, especially after he got really sick. So we wanted to let them know he'd died. And it kinda bugged me, cos they were all going on about how he was so nice and so great and always so helpful toward them and such a great guy. And I wanted to let them know who he really was, tell them that 'great guy' threw his 10 or 11 year old daughter headfirst across a room into a dresser in the hall, pinned his 13 year old daughter to a door and hit her so hard her jaw had a hairline fracture, spent his whole life screaming at me for any and everything. Yeah, he was a great guy, will be sorely missed. NOT! I hope he's in hell somewhere, or whereever in the after life you go when you were a shitty person, and I hope he finally knows and understands what he did. Who I am because of him. He gave me 23 chromosomes, and he taught me violence, fear & hate. Half my DNA is not a high enough price to buy my forgiveness for his sins, not anywhere close.

September 13, 2004 - 2:02 am

So, not so much within the week. Within the day actually. Ricky's gone. Dead. Deceased. (as of about 3 pm the 12th.) And I don't feel anything. Not relief, not sadness, not anger, not happiness. It just doesn't matter, isn't worth anything. All I feel is what I've felt for ages now. Curiosity at what might have been, and regret for things that were never my choices. Now that he's gone, I can write what I left out last entry, which is that I signed his death warrant, in a manner of speaking. I forged his name and initials on his living will and DNR, with his knowledge and permission, because he was unable to even hold a pen to write. And of my mother, aunt, uncle, and me, I was nominated to be the one who signed, as I had some practice forging his signature, tho it's really mom's I'm especially good at. So I signed for him the document that would have prevented the doctors or paramedics from keeping him alive. It wasn't needed tho, since he never came out of the coma last night, and died at home. I ended up calling a number of family members and friends of the family to pass on the news. I've got to go to the funeral home with mom tomorrow, and there are a million things that need to be done around the house. I called off work for tomorrow night, and called/emailed my professors for the classes I was supposed to have tomorrow, and let them know I wouldn't be there and why. Anyway, I should get to bed. Night.

September 11, 2004 - 11:39 pm

Ann just came downstairs to tell me Ricky's slipping into a coma. He's got a living will that says essentially not to do anything, and he's got a DNR. So, this would pretty much mean it's not going to be long. I rather expect I'll be writing the 'Ricky Died' entry within the week. It's strange. I remember wishing he didn't exist when I was 7, tho it wasn't a constant wish. Since I was 13, all I've felt for him is at worst hatred and at best apathy. And I've pretty much constantly wished he were dead. Well, constantly up until 17 or 18. At that point, I had become who I am enough to realize that his existance didn't really make a big difference, and so at that point I pretty much started wishing he'd died when I was a kid, when it would have made a difference in who I would be. And now, the thing I've spent more than a decade wishing for is pretty much here. And, it's not really a thing. I dunno, maybe I won't really believe he's finally going to be out of my life until he's gone, and once he's actually gone, then I'll feel SOMETHING about it. But maybe not. Maybe he'll die and I'll feel exactly like I do now. Uninterested.

September 02, 2004 - 11:27 am

EH! LAPTOP! *WHIMPER* *goes back to playing with laptop* *chants 'I will not blow off class to play with my laptop.'*

September 01, 2004 - 8:35 pm

Got the phone surveys (political polling/market research) job. Training is monday the 6th. base pay $7 an hour, up to $8 an hour if u work 4 hard to fill shifts (I'll prob work 2 or 3, for $7.50 or $7.75p/h) and an extra $.20 per shift for each shift over 16 you work in a 4 week pay period. They pay every 2 weeks, first check of the 4 week period at base pay, and then second check includes bonus pay.
School's alright. Sorta more work than I expected, but easier overall.
I went and had the physical and blood draw for the HIV vaccine study yesterday. Will know in a week or so if there is anything in the blood work that would keep me out of the study, tho if there isn't, I still have to go back and get the blood work redone less than 4 weeks before the date I could start in the study, which isn't til early october cos of the HepB vaccine from school.
My laptop shipped WAY early, Aug 31st instead of Sep 9th like they predicted. But, shipped from China, so, will be a week or so. Still, YAY tho!
Anyway, this was just written for the bois who have been bugging me to update. There, I did, ya happy now? I'm prob gonna go to bed early tonight, cos all my homework is essentially done (I didn't exactly read, I sorta skimmed, but it's freshman orientation, totally skimmable) and I haven't been sleeping enough.