3/23/01 - 06:06 p.m.

Ok, so I know last year I was quite sure I wasn't going to be hired at St. Alban's camp for the summer, and then I was. And I know I didn't get the letter saying I was hired last year until April 11th. I know the exact date, cos I was writing in my diary when the mail came that day, and my uncle told me I had a letter. And I know that I was so sure I wasn't going to be hired last year, cos I was sure I had fucked up quite a lot the year before. And I know that all these same things hold true again this year. But I still can't help feeling that I messed up more in 2000 then I had in 1999. In 99, I had the excuse that I had not been expecting to be the only counselor for my magic class, and I had the excuse that it was my first year teaching magic, and also my first time being the only counselor in the class. But still. I really hope in 2 weeks I will be writing another entry, saying that I got hired, and wasn't I silly for thinking I wouldn't be. But I dunno. Tim (the director) seemed to really have it in for me last year. I mean, maybe he was acting like that with all the counselors, but from talking to the ones I was friends with, that didn't seem to be the case. And that whole thing with Sellon being in the hospital, and Jason thinking that he should get to decide who was told where Sellon was, just because Mr. and Mrs. Sellon had called him about it, that pissed me off. And then Jason went running to Tim, and I had to listen to Tim's little, 'We are all worried about Chris (Sellon), but we have to respect his parent's wishes.' lecture. I dunno. Maybe I should have tried to explain to Tim that I was respecting Sellon's wishes, which he had specifically told me before the whole thing happened. Granted, it had been quite a while before the whole thing, like 6 or 8 months that he told me, but still. I was just doing what he had told me he would want done, telling the people he said he would want told. And to hell with Jason, if he didn't understand that, and to hell with Tim if he chooses not to hire me becuase of that. I am a good camp counselor, the kids like me. So maybe I don't have a strict lesson plan, with things planned down to the minute. The kids like how I teach. And camp is supposed to be fun. Yes, there has to be some structure. But if there is so much structure that it keeps the kids from actually enjoying it, then there is no point in it, we might as well just plop them down in front of a VCR and have them watch Sesame Street all day long, and they can quit calling us counselors, and call us babysitters. Ok, I think I am done with that little rant. I seem to be bitching about the whole Jason/Sellon thing a lot. I dunno if it bugged me more then I thought at the time, or if it is just cos I am worrying it will keep me from getting to go work at the camp I like. Got any insight, let me know.