2/21/01 - 5:03 pm

Well. I never seem to write much deep, instense stuff. Just blonde babble about my life. O well. I guess I have grown out of the part of my life where everything is big drama. Yeah, stuff happens in my life, but I feel very little need to angst out over it. To paraphrase Forest Gump, 'Life is as life does.' I guess lately, I just feel everything will work itself out, one way or another,, with or without me stressing over it, so why live with stress?

I dunno. I mean, I guess I should be stressed. 19, no job, still in high school, thanks to a little departure from mental health a few years back. Finishing up high school at home, through a correspondance school, and really not applying myself to it. I mean, I know I could work faster. And honestly, I could probably work better, even tho I have yet to get a grade below 87. I just don't. And it's not like I am really doing much of anything else.

I had a job, in 1999, from September to November. Then the store went out of business, which I had known they were going to do, or I never would have even applied. And I work at that camp every summer, which I do like. But I don't really do all that much else.

I spend time online, a LOT of time online. Too much tme online. And I watch TV. And I read occasionally. Not really all that often. When I was a kid, I would read any and every chance I got. I was the kid reaind while the teacher was talking. I was the kid who brought a book to lunch, and read with one hand and ate with the other. I would read during recess! But now, I have all this free time, and I don't read. Hell, I barely leave the house!

I tell people, and frequently myself, that I am taking my last bit of freedom before I have to grow up. Before college. Yeah, I know, everyone says, 'o, u don't have to grow up in college.' But I think I do. I don't plan to be one of those people who graduates college, and realizes they are not at all prepared for life. I plan to have a degree in psychology when I graduate, and I hope to be practing soon after.

I KNOW what I want to do with my life. I have my life fairly well planned out, though loosely, because I know life has a habit of not cooperating with our plans. But I don't seem to be doing anything about those plans. I don't do as much school work as I should, I haven't done hardly anything about choosing a college, or looking for financial aid. I only know, I want to major in psychology, and I want to go to school close to home if possible, because I like where I live, and it will save on housing, and travel.

I don't have that need so many kids have when they start college, to get away from their families, anywhere, as long as it isn't home. If I had to live with my parents all the time, I might, but I don't. I can live with my uncle, and that works well for me. So I can go to school near home, and it won't be a problem.

Well, I said I wasn't angsting about stuff, guess I lied. O well, guess I just needed to get that out. And here I was thinking I was just going to write an entry about how my computer is messing up, and the fact that I think I will have to reformat it soon, and am currnetly making plans to do so, ie: having borrowed my brother's external CDRW, and DLing all the stuff I want to have on a disc so I can easily reinstall it after I reformat.