12/6/00 - 2:23 pm

Ok, so it has been a while since I wrote. Couple reasons. For a while, there really was not much to write about, and when there was, Ricky (my father) had just gotten a new computer, and it did not have MSWord, just MS Works Word Processor, so it couldn�t open stuff that had a password put on it in MS Word, which this diary of course, had. And even after I took the file over to College Park, (Ricky took the old computer over there, good riddance to it), and removed the password, I just never got around to writing. I knew I had plenty to write about, I just kept not getting around to it.

So, the big news, the whole, not having sex til I at least found a guy that I gave a damn about, that went out the window, THANK GOD. I had been meeting guys IRL who I had originally met online for a while, and nothing bad had happened to me (too bad, huh?). So, I was chatting with this guy (Matt) one night, and he wanted to talk on the phone, (this was at like 1 or 2 am, after we had been talking online for a bit) and so I called him. We talked on the phone for a couple hours, and he was pretty cool. He had asked me out for that night, and I had said yes, and then he was like, he didn�t really wanna wait til that night, and it was like 4 am, (yes, I am attempting to excuse my behavior a bit), so I said ok, and told him to come over and pick me up. So, 5 a.m., I go over to the house of a guy I have known for like 6 hours total. Yeah, I know, don�t even bother yelling at me, I KNOW how stupid it was, and I didn�t care then, and refuse to care now, since nothing bad happened. So, we went back to his house, and I fucked him, or rather let him fuck me. It SUCKED. I mean, I know first times usually are not like in books, with every little thing perfect, but this was flat out BAD. His dick was so short, I could barely feel it inside me, I didn�t have an orgasm, hell, except for a little while at first, I have been hornier sitting at home watching cartoons imagining fucking superman, (Come on, the man of steel? Don�t try and tell me u never thought of that one ;-), and, to top it all of, THE CONDOM BROKE! (For all that are interested, it was a Trojan ultra thin. personally, I will NEVER let a guy use those again. if that is all he has, we use mine, or we don�t fuck.)

So all I wanna do is go home and eat chocolate and call Danielle and bitch, and I have to go to the clinic and get the morning after pill (this was three months ago, I don�t seem to be pregnant, THANK YOU any and all goddesses/gods who were listening and were responsible for that one). And, the morning after pill, plus three months of birth control, pretty well emptied my bank account. So, that was September 15th. O, and I barely even talked to him online again, forget IRL. So, the first guy I ever fucked, I TOTALLY used, and I am SO okay with that ;-) .

So, I have met some pretty coo guys online, plenty of dates, even a couple I have seen more then once. Rob, who is a good Christian boy, and also submissive and masochistic, and DEEPLY torn between his religion and his, shall we say, baser urges. His solution is to play, but not fuck. Which would be fine with me, only he is also very paranoid about disease, and so doesn�t do anything for me. But since I have discovered I do like Dommeing guys, I am using him for practice. (Shh, he doesn�t know that all I consider it is a good way to learn, don�t tell him.) And it really is a shame he doesn�t fuck, cos he has got a NICE cock. At least 7, maybe 8 inches, and a good thickness too.

Also, a 29y/o guy named Dave, who I have been fucking, but not really getting much out of the deal. (why is it that all the ones with nice cocks, I end up just playing with, and all the short, or skinny, or both cocks, are the ones I end up fucking? I swear I need to institute a new �u must be 6 inches or longer to ride the Helen� rule.) He is great, very nice, but has yet to make me come.

In fact, NO guy has managed to get me off, and I haven�t gotten myself off either, tho supposedly lots of women can�t have an orgasm by masturbating. I have a plan tho.:-) It consists of a few things I plan to try. (NOT listed in the order i plan to try them)

1) Fuck a guy who actually has a decent length, decent thickness cock. Cos so far I have fucked two guys, one with a short cock, and one with a short, skinny cock.

2) Have sex while under the influence of either alcohol, or drugs. Cos maybe I am just not letting myself relax or something.

3) Let a guy tie me up. Maybe I am not LETTING myself come, cos I don�t wanna give up control. This one is kinda far down the list, cos I don�t really wanna let a guy tie me up, trust issues and all, but that also leads me to believe that if none of the other ideas work, this one might.

4) Try having sex with another chiq. Maybe it�s just guys who can�t get me off. :-)

I think there might have been one other idea, but I can not think of it right this sec. If I do, I will come back and add it.

So, I got rid of that annoying virginity, and have been having fun. Just for my own reference, I am going to put a list of guys I have either sucked or fucked, before I forget any of them ;-)

Chris S. 18y/o-sucked, New Year�s day (or rather morning, very early morning) 2000

Rob B. 22y/o-sucked, tortured, abused, and DAMN it�s been fun. Multiple occasions, and most likely more to come.

Matt, umm, damn, gotta look up his last name (it is N.) 22y/o I think-fucked, Sep 15, 2000, around 7:30 am or so

Dave E. 29 y/o-sucked, and fucked, also multiple occasions, tho I dunno about more to come

David R. 17 y/o-sucked, Dec 4, 2000, evening

Yeah, I went out with this fun 17 y/o I met online Monday, and we ended up making out on the playground up at Hearst. SO wrong, but so fun. He was pretty coo tho, and we had been talking online for a while, I may go out with him again, I dunno tho, cos he has not been online the past few days, and the one time we did talk, he was acting weird. Would actually be a shame if we didn�t go out again, cos he had a nice cock, probably 6 inches, not quite sure cos it was dark. But also, I let him finger me, and it felt really good. If I had let him continue, and had let myself, I just might have had an orgasm. I purposely didn�t let myself, cos we were outside, in public, and it was COLD out. So I lied to him, said it wasn�t going to happen, and after he came, I walked him to Metro, and then went home. O, and I did not suck him til he came, I was jerking him when he came, cos he wanted to be fingering me. He really likes making sure the girl enjoys herself too, good for him. But so he was coo.

So, that brings u up to date on my current activities.

My birthday was HORRIBLE. It was Nov 12, and i got no presents, no celebration, no anything. Only one person even said Happy Birthday to me in person, that was my uncle, and that was AFTER i had reminded him it was my birthday. So, i think this ranks as the worst birthday i have ever had. That i remember anyway.