July 29, 2005 - 4:23 pm

This entry was edited to have the one thing that it wasn't my business to talk about removed.
So, it really bothers me that Aurora is lying to (hmm, need a nickname, let's say, Oz, as in werewolf boi on Buffy, not the 'the magical land of') her boyfriend about the threesome with AFBoi and me. I'm not a fan of lying to the people who matter, and her reasons for lying are all sorts of faulty.
Backstory for those not in the loop-Oz decided he and Aurora were going to be exclusive. Didn't feel the need to mention this to Aurora, let alone do something as crazy as, I dunno, ask if that's what she wanted! So, Aurora not having said she wasn't going to fuck other people, fucked other people, namely AFBoi and me. Which she totally had every right to do, because until you say 'ok, I'm only going to fuck you, I won't fuck other people', you get to fuck whomever you wish.
So, Oz found out about the 3some, and read my journal entry about it, and got all pissed off, because Aurora was supposed to be being exclusive to him! Apparently the fact that she hadn't AGREED to be exclusive makes no difference.
So he bitched at her, and said that if she had slept with anyone else, it was over. And instead of doing the logical thing and saying 'I didn't do anything wrong since I never agreed to not fuck other people. You did do something wrong in deciding FOR ME that I wasn't going to fuck other people. You're now compounding that wrong by emotionally blackmailing me. So, you know what? I'd be better off without you if this is the shit you're going to pull.' Instead of saying that, she lied, and said 'No Oz, of course I didn't fuck anyone else, Hel's lying.' (which apparently led to Oz totally hating me, even tho he's never met me, and I refuse to believe he's actually stupid enough to believe she didn't fuck AFBoi and me.) her explanation of this is that she doesn't want to hurt him, and she can't stand to lose him.
But so yeah. And now it's been like, 3 months, and she's STILL lying to him about it. And she thinks that because he isn't bringing it up as often anymore, she's getting away with the lie! They're looking to get an apartment together, and Oz asked her 'so, what's the deal with leases? can you get out of them if you need to, like if you cheated on me and I left?' Which, ya know, seems like pretty solid proof that he's suspicious of her, which totally negates her whole 'I'm lying to him so I don't hurt him' thing. Cos, if he's constantly wondering if she's fucking other people, then he's hurt.
And I don't know how she thinks lying to him like this is going to prevent the relationship from ending. Lying to someone you claim to care about is just saying 'You know what? You're not worth the truth. You're not worth honesty, and you're not worth the effort to make things work. You're only worth the easy and temporary way out, and that obviously means you're not worth much of anything at all.' And lying to someone in a relationship, especially THIS kind of lie, ALWAYS blows up. It just doesn't work, you get found out eventually. So, she's just setting herself up to get hurt even worse when he does find out, because she'll have had even longer to get attached to him. Fuck, they might even be co-signers on a lease by that point, which would just be the icing on the cake!
So yeah. Her reasons for lying suck, she's not pulling off the lie very well if at all, and I really think less of her for lying to someone she claims to really care about. Plus, I once again can't help but wonder what it is that she is lying to me about. Cos from everything she's told me and that I've seen of her behavior, she lies to everyone. At least, everyone she's sexually or romantically involved with.

July 21, 2005 - 1:46 am

I just totally paid off my credit card. Granted, it was with money that was supposed to be spent to buy my books for classes this fall, but classes don't start til the end of august, and I've got 2 paychecks between now and then, so I can get the list of books and buy them online for way cheaper than buying them at school. And I've still got enough to make my first tuition payment installment!

July 20, 2005 - 1:14 am

ARGH!
uncle, via email:your mother is too stubborn to turn on the AC and too stupid to not sit around in a 100 degree bedroom, this is your responsibility. Also, she's incapable of finding her own doctor now that she can't see the one she was seeing. Deal with that too. Because she's completely incapable of basic self care, so we're going to pretend everything's perfectly fine and you're going to be responsible for her as always.
me:#$%&@! *repeatedly bangs head against desk until blessed unconsciousness ensures*
*is woken by ringing cell phone at 1 am. It's my mother*
me:do you know what time it is? (not that I care, but my uncle goes to bed at midnight, and gets pissed off about noise after he goes to bed. my mother knows when he goes to bed, so knows she shouldn't call)
mother:I forgot my ice cream bar. put it in the fridge for me.
me:fine
I go downstairs, she left the ice cream bar (wrapped) on the end of the couch. I open the fridge, open the freezer and put her ice bar away. Notice that when I asked her to put my ice cream bar away (because she was closer to the fridge) she put it in the fridge, not the freezer.
*sigh* basic, simple, everyday little bullshit that any 7 year old could do, but my mother can't. And somehow, taking care of her is my responsibility. Not my brother's, not my uncle's, cos neither of them is willing to admit that a grown woman who sits in a 100 degree room instead of turning on the AC or going downstairs HAS A FUCKING PROBLEM!
2 more years. 6 more semesters. That's all I have to survive, and I'll be done college and can leave. Riiiiiiiiiight. Who's running the betting pool on me dropping out of college and running someplace far far away?

July 11, 2005 - 8:15 am

Words get used pejoratively because they represent negative states of being or actions or beliefs. Moron. Fundie. Brownnoser. Breeder. Slacker. Bush-Supporter. Spineless. Two-faced. Bum. Psychopath. Bigot. Nazi.
So if you use a word as an insult, that means you think that word represents something bad, something nasty, something your perfect world would not contain. (And yes, my perfect world would not contain any of the types of people I just listed, based on my definitions of those terms. If you have a problem with that, then my perfect world wouldn't contain you either. Which is just as well, cos I'd guess your perfect world wouldn't contain me, and I'm ok with that.)
So, yeah, I take offense when unimaginative morons use gay as an insult. Same as I get offended when the term woman is used pejoratively, same as Jews get offended by the term kike, same as blacks get offended by nigger, same as arabs get offended by towel-head, same as hispanics get offended by spic. None of these things are in and of themselves negative things, so they shouldn't be used as pejoratives.
In my opinion, using any of these terms, or any terms like them, reflects on you. It says you're a bigot, a racist, intolerant. You're not a bigot? Then why the hell are you saying that every single person in an entire category is bad? Because when you use a term as a pejorative, that's what you're doing. When you say nigger/towel-head/spic/kike, you're saying that every single person who has ever existed that was of african/arabic/hispanic/jewish descent was bad, wasn't worth basic human respect, that all people are not created equal.
Yeah, fine, when people say gay, they typically think of gay guys, not gay women. And that's a whole other issue. If being gay is bad, why is it no big deal if women are gay? Oh, right, cos in this society, only men matter! But anyway, back to my original point. Gay is gay, be it gay male or gay female. So when you say gay, and mean it as an insult, you're saying that a fundamental part of who I am, is just wrong. And yeah, that pisses me off.